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Band 4.5

Nowadays, a lot of people are able to do their work from home. Discuss both the advantage and disadvantages of this development.

#people #work #home #advantage #development
In recent years, in the technological progress era, the utilisation of automobiles has significantly increased.
Due to
 the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 number of
car
 vehicles has exceeded the number of people. In
this
 essay, I will highlight the pros and cons of both arguments and share my viewpoint . On the one hand, using a private
car
 makes life easier for personages in many ways. First of all, by having their own
car
, humans do not have to use infrequent and overcrowded public transportation.
This
 means they reach their workplace on time and without experiencing any hardship.
Secondly
, Having their own
car
, families can travel more frequently and more conveniently.
That is
,
as a result
 of
this
 trend children can have more fun, and family relationships can be more strong .
On the other hand
, producing more cars has a damaging effect on the environment.
Consequently
, the more
car
 is produced by countries, the more carbon dioxide will be released into the atmosphere.
This
 means that mortals around the world may face problematic diseases.
Although
 using cars is more convenient, the devastating effects of using more cars are more than the benefits.
For instance
, endangers people's lives through traffic accidents.
To conclude
, despite some drawbacks for nature
such
 as air pollution, there are more positive impacts on individuals
such
 as privacy and easiness of using private vehicles.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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task response
The essay does not fully respond to the prompt. It does not clearly discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of people working from home. You should include a balanced analysis of both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not well-organized, and the logical structure is weak. Try to present a clear introduction that introduces the main points to be discussed, provide supporting arguments in the body paragraphs, and end with a conclusion that summarizes the main ideas.
lexical resource
There is limited use of vocabulary and the language used is quite informal. Aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and employ more formal language to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence structure problems. Make sure to review your grammar and sentence construction to improve clarity and coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • telecommuting
  • remote work
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • cost savings
  • commute time
  • stress
  • productivity
  • focus
  • face-to-face interaction
  • social isolation
  • work-life separation
  • distractions
  • discipline
  • dependence
  • technology
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