IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of public health, the government should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products.

#illness #death #world #interest #health #government #ban #cigarettes #tobacco #products
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There is a differing view on the issue of whether
tobacco
Use synonyms
 products should be illegal or not. Some people suggest that
pre- smoking
Correct your spelling
pre-smoking
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 groups will decrease the public's quality of life, so smoking should be banned.
This
Linking Words
 essay will agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. There are two principal reasons. First of all, abolishing
tobacco
Use synonyms
 products is the most effective way to stop people from smoking.
As smoking
Correct word choice
Smoking
show examples
 is harmful to the human body and leads to serious diseases. In the past, the
government
Use synonyms
 promoted the drawbacks of smoking through advertisements and school activities.
However
Linking Words
, it was not strong enough, so the smoker ignored the warning. The fact shows
,
Remove the comma
apply
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heavy
Correct word choice
that heavy
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 smokers will not kick the habit by themselves. If the
government
Use synonyms
 wishes to be consistent in pursuing their ‘ war against
tobacco
Use synonyms
’. They should take a prohibitionist approach to
tobacco
Use synonyms
 abuse.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is indisputable that smokers increase the stress of public health expenditure. The fact is,
smoking
Correct word choice
that smoking
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 habits lead to lung cancer and heart diseases. The
pro- smoking
Correct your spelling
pro-smoking
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 group must say it is their freedom and personal right to decide what goes into their body.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the treatment is incredibly costly, frequently the
government
Use synonyms
 and
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 cover the costs rather than individual
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
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. It would be unfair for the public to bear the financial responsibility of a smoker's
self- destructive
Correct your spelling
self-destructive
show examples
 choice. In conclusion, the issue is likely to become even more important in the future. The public health expenditure significantly increased.
Hence
Linking Words
, in the interest of public health, the
government
Use synonyms
 should abolish
tobacco
Use synonyms
 products.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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