IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, many people have easy access to computers and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impact of playing computer games? What can be done to minimise these effects?

#people #access #computers #children #computer #games #impact #minimise #effects
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Advancement in technology during
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last
Correct article usage
the last
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 decades has resulted in excessive dependence on
computers
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due to
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 which
majority
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the majority
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 of youngsters get entertainment through
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computers
Change the noun form
computer
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games
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. Higher usage
time
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 on screens has resulted in many challenges for
children
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 of all ages.
Computer
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games
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 have become an addiction for users
specially
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especially
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children
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due to
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 which there are serious physical and mental health issues. When a child is continuously using
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computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
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 for a long
time
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, his body growth and health are compromised.
Children
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 used to spend
sometime
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some time
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 in playing
activities
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 at parks and gardens but now they are more connected with screens
due to
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 attractive screen
games
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. Another major impact of
computer
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games
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 is
an
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apply
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eyesight/vision and many of the
children
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use
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 spectacles which is not a good sign. Nowadays, it is
oftenly
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often
 seen in our families that toddlers are in
habit
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the habit
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 of eating food
while
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 using
computers
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 for
games
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 though part of
this
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replaced
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is replaced
show examples
 with mobile
games
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 which is almost treated as
a
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apply
show examples
mini
Add a hyphen
mini-computer
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computer
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. Excessive
use
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 of
computer
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games
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 is
also
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 impacting
education
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the education
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 training and development of
many
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Many
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children
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 are becoming violent as they try to copy characters of
computer
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games
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 , as
such
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 a big psychological challenge for the
use
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.
Computer
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games
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 have become
daily
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a daily
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past
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part
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 of
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children
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children's
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 life and it is very difficult to completely avoid
such
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activities
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;
however
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, there can be some remedial action to prevent
further
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 damage to
children
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’s life. First of all, parents should control
computer
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 screen
time
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 with some restrictions. A daily
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time table
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timetable
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 can be implemented to allow
reasonable
Add an article
a reasonable
the reasonable
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 gap between
computer
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 usage and other
activities
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. For
the
Correct determiner usage
this
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 purpose, screen timers can be implemented on
computers
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. Another good activity to decrease
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children
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children's
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 interest in
computer
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games
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 can be participation in daily physical activity outside or inside
home
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the home
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.
Children
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 should be encouraged to take part in evening
games
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 in
park
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parks
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,
club
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clubs
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 or
gymnasium
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gymnasiums
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. Apart from
time
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 management and physical
activities
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, parents and elders should spend more
time
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 with youngsters as
this
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 would give them confidence and divert their attention from
computer
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games
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. Young people
specially
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especially
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under
Correct pronoun usage
those under
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 20 years are much influenced
with
Change preposition
by
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violence
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the violence
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 shown in
computer
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games
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hence
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 parents should supervise selection and frequently monitor screens.
Computer
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 technology can be a blessing
of
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if
show examples
 appropriately used;
however
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,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
use
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 of
games
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 by
children
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 is a menace which should be immediately controlled through appropriate measures.
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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt have been fully addressed. Provide a more comprehensive analysis of the negative impacts of computer games on children.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization and structure of the essay. Use paragraphs to clearly present different ideas and create a logical flow of information.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and expressions to enhance the clarity and precision of your writing.
grammatical range
Improve the variety of sentence structures and ensure accurate grammar usage. Pay attention to verb tense consistency and sentence coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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