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Band 2.5

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweigh people in society? How can this problem be solved?

#people #risk #health #reason #growth #overweigh #society
It is undoubtedly the case that urban areas around the world increasingly suffer from health problems
due to
 being overweight.There are several reasons for
this
 problem,and various measures could be taken by society and individuals to improve the situation. There are a variety of different factors that have led
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 major
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
can be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 that
people
 like to eat fast
food
.Nowadays,there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 many restaurants and convenience
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
 to provide options.The second reason is that
people
 do not eat the
food
 on time. Despite some obvious reasons described above , there are several actions that
people
 could take to solve the problems.
Firstly
,a simple solution would be
try
Fix the infinitive
to try
show examples
 to eat original foods,try to make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 by
self
Correct your spelling
yourself
show examples
,and choose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
food
do
Correct word choice
and do
show examples
 not eat
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
much fried
Add a hyphen
much-fried
show examples
food
 and oily
food
.The second measure would be for
people
 to not eat supper
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because supper is one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 to make
people
 become fat,try to measure calories and take
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exercise after having a meal. In conclusion,despite some obvious reasons,various measures can be taken to tackle the problem of health problems
due to
 being overweight.
Submitted by ggrunrunderr on

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task response
The essay does not fully address all aspects of the task prompt. The reasons for the growth in overweight people are mentioned, but they lack detailed explanation. Additionally, the measures to solve the problem are briefly mentioned, but there is no development of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure, with an introduction and a conclusion. However, the supporting points are not well-developed. Each paragraph should focus on a specific idea and provide evidence or examples to support it.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision. Using a wider range of vocabulary and specific terminology related to health and nutrition would improve the essay.
grammatical range
There are grammatical errors throughout the essay, including verb tense inconsistencies and sentence structure issues. More attention should be paid to grammar and sentence structure in order to convey ideas clearly and accurately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • serious health problems
  • unhealthy food
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • physical activity
  • psychological factors
  • stress
  • emotional eating
  • body image
  • eating habits
  • cultural norms
  • portion sizes
  • awareness
  • education
  • nutrition
  • healthy eating
  • dietary choices
  • promoting
  • fruits
  • vegetables
  • whole grains
  • physical activity
  • recreational facilities
  • balanced diets
  • implementing policies
  • food advertising
  • marketing
  • healthcare professionals
  • weight management
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