IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A big salary is more important while choosing a job. Do you agree or disagree?

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Whilst
people
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 believe that the upmost important factor is decent income when applying for a
job
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, I think there is no one overwhelming factor as all of these
factors
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 are equally influential.
To begin
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 with,
although
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 a high
salary
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 expectation is a modest request that can an applicant demand from an employer, it is not limited to the monetary value alone as other
factors
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such
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 as
work
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environment
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, career perspectives, and location are
also
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 in high demand recently. I believe that
money
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 alone will not make anybody relish his occupation and it is worth noting that there is more to
money
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 because the other
factors
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initially
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 perceived as inferior will eventually wear out the employees.
For example
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, regardless of the high-
salary
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job
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, it will be unbearable for
people
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 to uphold their
job
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 responsibilities in an
environment
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 where chaotic
people
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 exist and micromanage others. Another attention-worthy reason why I do not believe that
money
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 is not the most dominant factor
while
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 applying for a
job
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 is the limitation of continuous
salary
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 increases that will emerge soon after the first demotivational event in the organization.
Moreover
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, prioritizing
money
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 over other
factors
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 can motivate
people
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 to disregard their affiliation with employers which will backfire sooner rather than later. A vivid case of low
salary
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 can
also
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 be as important as a high
salary
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 during a
job
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 selection is
people
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 working in Twitter for a fraction of what they could have been paid in an adversery company Meta
due to
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 the working conditions.
In other words
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, you could get paid well in a company, but the
environment
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 will force you to
work
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 extra hours as they will compromise it for their own advantage. In conclusion, even though a high
salary
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 is utterly important when looking for an employment opportunity, other
work
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 hygiene
factors
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such
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 as the
work
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environment
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, and additional benefits are
also
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 becoming popular among the new generation of workforce.

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Task response
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion, but the reasons provided lack depth and supporting evidence. Consider providing more specific examples and elaborating on each point.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, there could be stronger transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence.
Lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of using more precise and academic language.
Grammatical range
The essay shows a good command of grammar with only minor errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure for a more polished piece of writing.
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