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Band 5.5

The world population has been increasing lately. One way to curb excessive growth in the third world countries is to restrict the number of children each couple can have to 1. Other people believe that empowerment of woman is a better way. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#world #population #growth #third #countries #children #couple #people #empowerment #woman
The massive turnout of people in the world has been a debatable issue until now. The government has implemented some ways to avoid the tremendous growth in the third world
countries
 to limit the rate of
children
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
one
 whilst others think that
women
 empowerment is a better approach. I agree with the notion that empowering
women
 is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best way to control overpopulation
whereas
 inhibition of
one
child
 can be followed to a lesser extent.
To begin
 with
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 empowerment,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a better method to limit the growth of people. If
women
 are taken out of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 sphere to venture into workplaces ,
this
 will keep
women
 busy with their work. Nowadays,
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gender equality
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
promote
Change the verb form
promotes
show examples
women
 to be independent and to have access, control and ownership
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 promote female to have
decision
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 themselves. As we know a girl
child
 was subjected to be mainly confined in the private sphere to perform
intrumental
Correct your spelling
instrumental
 roles as evidenced by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sociologist Talcott Parsons. They are there to nurture
children
 and bear more
children
. But
due
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gender equity which
emancipate
Correct subject-verb agreement
emancipates
show examples
women
 to have a better education and quality of life
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will reduce
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
 rate because they will not have time to take care of
children
. Demand at the
workplaceand
Correct your spelling
workplace and
 studies for
women
 to better themselves will lead them not to give more birth to
children
.In
this
 case, I think if
women
 are
dependant
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on themselves they are able to decide what is good for them.
On the other hand
, restriction of
children
 can be another measure to avoid overpopulation to a lesser extent.
One
 of the
relavant
Correct your spelling
relevant
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
 is China
one
child
Correct your spelling
one-child
show examples
 policy. It introduced
this
 policy with some good benefits to individual families thereby people followed the rule and the population
is reducing
Wrong verb form
was reduced
show examples
. But some
countries
 cannot afford to
folloe
Correct your spelling
follow
such
 rules
for instance
 in Africa where polygamy is practised.
Women
 are in control over
patriachial
Correct your spelling
patriarchial
patriarchal
 society they are silenced and overpowered which will lead them to have more babies. They are not able to decide for themselves because they are
potrayed
Correct your spelling
portrayed
 as
child
 bearers. Some
countries
 even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 are developed can not afford to have
one
child
 , they are happy to have more
children
. In
this
 case, it might be followed by some other
countries
 with
beneficials
Correct your spelling
benefits
. In conclusion, an increase in population can be minimised by
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 empowerment to a larger extent
while
one
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
child
 program will be accepted by few individuals,
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coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure with well-presented introduction and conclusion parts, the logical flow between your paragraphs could be improved. Ensure that all points connect smoothly to promote a better understanding of your argument.
task achievement
You have given a complete response to the task with some specific and relevant examples. However, make sure every detail you include is essential and contributes directly to the argument you're building. Avoid unnecessary examples or points that don't strengthen your response.
grammatical range
There are a few grammatical errors and inaccuracies in your essay. Double-checking your work can help you detect and rectify these issues. Practice more on grammar complexities and nuances to enhance your language competency and accuracy.
lexical resource
Your vocabulary is relatively varied and adequately academic. However, there are a few inaccurate word choices and redundancies. Using synonyms wisely can improve your lexical resource. Remember that clarity is always the key element in effective communication.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • curb
  • excessive
  • restrict
  • empowerment
  • one-child policy
  • ethical concerns
  • individual freedoms
  • reproductive health
  • sustainable
  • workforce
  • holistic
  • correlation
  • demographics
  • socio-economic benefits
What to do next:
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