Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In today's world, with the
development
of advanced Use synonyms
technology
most of the young generation Add a comma
technology,
kids
are addicted to Use synonyms
use
Change the verb form
using
smartphones
in their daily lives. In the current context of the world, most of us are Use synonyms
relient
on Correct your spelling
reliant
smartphones
to Use synonyms
fullfill
our daily tasks and in Correct your spelling
fulfil
fact
I firmly believe Add a comma
fact,
children
using smart devices like phones can be a negative Use synonyms
development
. In Use synonyms
this
essay, I will Linking Words
elloborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
why
most Change preposition
on why
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
are spending their Use synonyms
time
on technological related gadgets Use synonyms
such
as Linking Words
smartphones
and why it is a negative Use synonyms
development
.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, the reason why most Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
spend their day Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
smartphones
is because of Use synonyms
parents
negligence Change noun form
parents'
parent's
due to
their busy Linking Words
schedule
. Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
Children
tend to kill their free Use synonyms
time
by playing a game or Use synonyms
either
scrolling through social media Correct word choice
apply
while
parents are running a rat race to provide basic needs and wants to their Linking Words
kids
. Use synonyms
Hence
, Linking Words
this
can Linking Words
cause
Use synonyms
children
to get exposed to inappropriate online Use synonyms
contents
without an Fix the agreement mistake
content
adult
consent or a guardian. As per my Change noun form
adult's
knowldege
, Correct your spelling
knowledge
this
can be a major Linking Words
cause
for depression and anxiety. Use synonyms
For instance
, the suicide rate Linking Words
in
younger ages can be more Change preposition
at
due to
a defeat from a phone game. Linking Words
Therefore
, it is paramount for a child to spend Linking Words
time
with parents in order to benefit their mental and physical Use synonyms
development
.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, the other reason is because of the Linking Words
increase
trend in virtual education.
The competition in today's education has Replace the word
increased
resulted
Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
children
Use synonyms
to attend
their classes online and they are forced to follow extra courses or browse knowledge and information from the internet to help their studies. Even though it helps to gain extra knowledge it can Change the verb form
attending
also
Linking Words
effects
a young mind. Verb problem
affect
As a result
, Linking Words
this
can Linking Words
cause
Use synonyms
children
to miss out Use synonyms
experiencing
their childhood journey. In my experience, I had ample Change preposition
on experiencing
time
to play with friends after school and it actually helped Use synonyms
my self
to manage stress and develop skills Correct pronoun usage
me
such
as Linking Words
team work
, planning and leadership abilities. In a nutshell, Correct your spelling
teamwork
kids
spending countless hours Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
smartphones
will Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cause developing
a generation without Wrong verb form
develop
a
basic skills and it
can be a threat Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
for
the whole generation in the future.
In conclusion, I believe Change preposition
to
kids
spending their precious Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
smartphones
may Use synonyms
result
a negative Add the preposition
result in
result from
development
. In my view, it will have an adverse effect Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
the
society but it Correct article usage
apply
also
could Linking Words
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
children
's Use synonyms
well being
and mental health.Add a hyphen
well-being
Submitted by shazraibrahimphotography2 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Ensure that all aspects of the task prompt are addressed and develop the ideas more fully.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay more effectively to enhance the coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied expressions.
grammatical range
Increase the complexity of sentence structures and demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.