Some peoole think that cities are the best place to live. Others prefer to live in countryside. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Nowadays, there is
growing
Correct article usage
a growing
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tendency for
people
in urban
areas
to prefer to move to rural
areas
. I
am personally agree
Change the verb form
personally agree
show examples
with
view
Add an article
the view
show examples
that living in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
will have its advantages. Everybody knows that living in the countryside is what most
people
want to do. The benefit of living in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
location that has a healthy environment is that the air is better than in the
city
due to
the condition of the area. Another special consideration in
this
case is that the location is far away from the business district where the
people
work
.
For example
,
people
who
work
in the
city
must spend a long time on the way in order to arrive
in
Change preposition
at
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their home. The other reason is that
people
in the country would better manage
the
Change the word
their
show examples
stress. The
people
who live in the
city
have a probability of getting stressed more because of the pressure in the enterprise. It can be argued that
people
who live in rural
areas
are happier and more comfortable than in urban
areas
.
For instance
, the
people
in the big
city
have a risk of getting a disease
such
as stroke or heart disease because the
work
environment needs them to push themselves to get it.
Consequently
, the
people
who
work
in the
city
need to control themselves. In conclusion, I believe that the
people
who live both in the
city
and
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
have a consequence of their choosing. So,
people
should know their motivation and goals for their lives and what the best choice is.
Submitted by nazhif27 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states both views and include your own stance more explicitly. The essay needs to balance the discussion between living in the city and the countryside.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical progression of ideas could be improved by creating clear and distinct paragraphs for each view. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be enhanced to ensure the ideas flow more naturally.
Lexical Resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used to express comparisons and contrasts between city and countryside life. Avoid overusing simple words and try to demonstrate the use of more complex lexical structures.
Grammatical Range
A greater variety of sentence structures could be used to showcase grammatical range. Aim to include compound and complex sentences and employ a mix of sentence types to articulate your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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