IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
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Society believes that participating in non-profit organization
service
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services
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such
 as working for a charity, improving the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 or being a teacher in a certain area to younger children should be a part of high school programmes. I personally agree that doing good for humankind can impact the way
students
 think
to
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about
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 others. First and foremost, the way we feel
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for
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to
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for
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 each other can be described as empathy. As humans, we live and share good things towards each other. Inseparable from young people, they tend to lack awareness.
This
 phenomenon should be highlighted that from a young age,
students
, starting from school, must experience to share their good with others.
In addition
, adding more credit for humanity programs at schools
,
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apply
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 can impact
students
 to be a good
person
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people
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.
On the other hand
, people are getting a beneficial effect from humanity that
students
 share.
For instance
, in rural areas, we often see many families who do not have enough. Through the school's initiative, kids can indirectly support their community's economy.Utilizing their expertise,
for instance
, to create a product to sell
,
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apply
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 will be very beneficial to the family.
Additionally
, I think that children who participate in
this
 program will discover a moral life.
Finally
,
although
 some people might argue that it should be the government's obligation to help the poor, as an individual I think we still want to experience giving good to others. In conclusion, I believe aside from the positive effect
from
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of
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school’s
Correct article usage
the school’s
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 humanity program, we have to examine again whether
this
 is the only and most appropriate method as a
schools
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school's
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 program.
Submitted by ambercampbell.xx25 on

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task achievement
The essay presents a reasonable attempt at addressing the topic, but there should be a clearer introduction and conclusion that directly respond to the extent of agreement or disagreement.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of ideas is adequate but could be enhanced through better paragraphing and clearer progression of ideas.
task achievement
Support for arguments is generally sound, but the essay would benefit from specific examples to illustrate points more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
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