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Band 2.5

In many countries, the amount o f crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes o f crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #f #crime
Nowadays, video
games
 have a big impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
People
 can study without teachers almost for free.
However
, there are a lot of
games
 which make no sense. On the one hand, is that
games
 are cheaper than education courses with
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
.
Moreover
, is that
people
don’t
 need to wait next tusks or classes. In
games
Add a comma
games,
show examples
people
 can complete as
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 tusks as they want. And one of the main advantages of video
games
 is that levels in
games
 are more interesting than boring classes.
On the other hand
is that
Verb problem
,
show examples
 there are a lot of useless
games
 which can’t make
people
 better and they
created
Add a missing verb
are created
show examples
for making
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to make
show examples
 money for developers. The second disadvantage is that
games
makes
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make
show examples
people
 addicted and they play all the time. No sports or education in their life.
To conclude
, I can say that for
people
 with no motivation and no understanding of the reasons why they need to study
games
 are bad and useless. If their way is
continue
Change the verb form
to continue
continuing
show examples
 play they would be like NPC. I
don’t
 think that for all
people
games
 are useless.
For example
, there are a lot of
people
 who study
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
games
 and
don’t
 waste their for
games
 with no idea like shooters or MOBA.
Don’t
 make
games
 your main employment.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • socioeconomic factors
  • poverty
  • unemployment
  • dysfunctional families
  • parental guidance
  • peer pressure
  • substance abuse
  • lenient laws
  • weak enforcement
  • legal system
  • law enforcement
  • media influence
  • desensitize
  • glorification of crime
What to do next:
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