IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People doing dangerous sport activities like scuba driving and bungee jumping should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people doing those sports. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sport #activities #scuba #bungee #life #rescue #workers #risk #lives #sports
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There is no denying the fact that dangerous
sports
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activities
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 can be a debatable subject.
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While
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apply
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It is a commonly held belief that
rescue
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workers
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 should not risk their
lives
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 to save individuals who do dangerous
activities
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. there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider individuals should be responsible for their own
safety
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 in dangerous
sports
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.
To begin
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 with,
Rescue
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workers
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 have a duty to save
lives
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.
In other words
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, it is in their job description to
rescue
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 people.
In addition
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,
Rescue
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workers
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 should prioritize their own
safety
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.
For example
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, if the individuals don't care about their
safety
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 and do not do what supposed to do to ensure their
safety
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 the reduction should not save their
lives
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. Another point to consider is that regulations and guidelines should be implemented to ensure
safety
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 in dangerous
sports
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that, the
sports
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 that are so dangerous for the
safety
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workers
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 and the individual should have strict laws.
Moreover
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, Education and training should be provided to participants in dangerous
sports
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.
For instance
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, any of the participants
,
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apply
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should have basic training on how to ensure their
safety
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. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe any individual has the right to do any dangerous
sports
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activities
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 but not at the cost of other
lives
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 than their own life, I suggest that the governments put strict regulations and guidelines for dangerous
activities
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.
Submitted by abdelaah.12 on

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task response
Your essay presents relevant ideas, but some of them are not fully developed. Ensure that you address all aspects of the prompt and provide specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are somewhat weak. Aim to have a stronger introduction that clearly states your position and a conclusion that summarizes your main points.
lexical resource
Your essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of wordiness and awkward phrasing. Try to be more concise and use precise vocabulary to convey your ideas.
grammatical range
Your essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Work on sentence structure and use of verb tenses to improve overall clarity and fluency.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • dangerous sports
  • scuba diving
  • bungee jumping
  • rescue workers
  • risk
  • save lives
  • priority
  • regulations
  • guidelines
  • safety
  • education
  • training
  • participants
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