Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

this

Linking Words

day and age,

people

Use synonyms

have the tendency to live

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

moment whilst not thinking about the next day.

This

Linking Words

development creates a lot of controversy because many

people

Use synonyms

get into financial trouble because of it

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

also

Linking Words

because it is generally considered a rather selfish way to live.

Firstly

Linking Words

, financial responsibility is a highly discussed topic

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

because many

people

Use synonyms

choose to spend everything they produce without saving up.

However

Linking Words

, the course of life is highly unpredictable and sometimes unexpected situations that require a lot of money happen,

such

Linking Words

as an illness or a natural hazard.

This

Linking Words

is why it is very important to plan ahead, because travelling opportunities will

also

Linking Words

appear when everything else is taken care of.

For example

Linking Words

, many

people

Use synonyms

get themselves into debt because of their incapacity to do so and,

therefore

Linking Words

, rely on social help in their later years. So, being an adult

also

Linking Words

means

to have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

the ability to

prioritize

Change the spelling

prioritise

show examples

responsibilities in order to be able to avoid hardships.

Secondly

Linking Words

, it is very important to understand that having a child is not an

eighteen year-old

Correct your spelling

eighteen-year-old

responsibility but a lifetime one.

Moreover

Linking Words

parents

Use synonyms

should be aware that they should think first in the best interest of their children. To exemplify, Americans have

this

Linking Words

huge problem where their students take large student loans that they have to pay for for most of their lives afterwards.

This

Linking Words

issue could have easily been prevented if the

parents

Use synonyms

had

prioritized

Change the spelling

prioritised

show examples

what is important, because if their kids get into university, that usually means that they will have a

better paying

Correct your spelling

better-paying

job.

Furthermore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

would benefit the

parents

Use synonyms

as well, because in most

cases

Punctuation problem

cases,

show examples

children are prone to help their

parents

Use synonyms

financially.

Therefore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

issue goes full circle.

To conclude

Linking Words

, it is very important to plan finances ahead, especially because life problems are very versatile and in most cases, a new leisure opportunity always appears.

acaitaz

Nov 7, 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Answer the full question more directly. Say clearly if this change is positive or negative in the first paragraph and keep this view all through the essay.

task response

Focus more on the real topic: older people after retirement spending money on themselves instead of saving for their children. Your essay talks a lot about people in general, so some parts go away from the main point.

task response

Use examples that fit the topic better. The point about student loans is interesting, but it is not very close to retired parents spending money after work life.

coherence and cohesion

Make each main paragraph start with one clear main idea, then explain it, then give one strong example.

coherence and cohesion

Link ideas in a simpler and clearer way. Some long sentences are hard to follow, so shorter sentences can help the flow.

coherence and cohesion

Write a stronger conclusion. Repeat your opinion and the two main reasons in a direct way.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear paragraph plan: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task response

You give reasons for your view, such as money problems later and duty to children.

coherence and cohesion

You use linking words like firstly, secondly, moreover, furthermore, and therefore.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

316 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Some working parents believe childcare centers can provide the best care for children, while others think family members such as grandparents can do it better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, there is a common view that nursery centers are the best place for toddlers to stay while their parents are working during the daytime. At the same time, some families may argue that relatives are more trustworthy and will take better care of their children. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the debate and reach a conclusion.
6.5
band
5.Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good member of society. Others however believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people believe that their children should be taught how to function as valuable members of society. In contrast, others think teachers should educate their students on these values at the school. This topic has always been debatable, and I shall examine both perspectives in the following essay.
6
band
Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?
Some individuals believe that the amount of garbage is not enough for recycling. That is why they think there should be legal laws about recycling. This essay totally agrees with this statement because it will increase the recycling rate, and there will be a campaign about the laws.
7
band
Some pople think that wild animals should not be kept in Zoos. Others, believe that there are good reasons of having Zoos. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Keeping animals in the zoological areas is accepted by some people, however, others think it is a wrong decision to relocate the animal's habitat. Both approaches have logical reasons which I want to address in my essay.
7
band
Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
There are some parts of the community who consider that research on animals is bad and should be banned. Conversely, any essential scientific discoveries would be made from animals’ tests being a reason for others. Personally, even though the latter statement seems beneficial, it should implemented under the supervision of the stakeholders to make sure it still running in a good way.

Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

Some working parents believe childcare centers can provide the best care for children, while others think family members such as grandparents can do it better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

5.Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good member of society. Others however believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

Some pople think that wild animals should not be kept in Zoos. Others, believe that there are good reasons of having Zoos. Discuss both views and give your opinion.