Topic: As well as, making money, business also have social responsibilities.

#topic #money #business #responsibilities

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Apart from earning

money

Use synonyms

, companies

also

Linking Words

have social responsibilities. I completely agree with

latter

Add an article

the latter

show examples

point of view. On the one hand, setting up

business

Add an article

a business

show examples

has

the

Correct article usage

show examples

myriad of advantages. First and foremost, individuals can have a golden opportunity to make

profit

Add an article

a profit

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, nowadays most

people

Use synonyms

open their own restaurants or markets in order to make

money

Use synonyms

. But, sometimes

people

Use synonyms

may doom a failure.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it requires a lot of effort.

Also

Linking Words

, if somebody fails, it

shatter

Change the verb form

shatters

show examples

their confidence. Second

Change preposition

apply

show examples

all, by making

money

Use synonyms

citizens might have a chance to afford

Change preposition

apply

show examples

anything which will put them in

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

trouble,

such

Linking Words

as taxes

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

personal

expenditure

Fix the agreement mistake

expenditures

show examples

or the pricey things that

the

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

person want to have.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, establishing their own company will give them an opportunity to give a helping hand to other

people

Use synonyms

. There are a variety of ways to help others. First of all,

Correct article usage

the owner

show examples

owner

Fix the agreement mistake

owners

show examples

of the industrial companies or the various factories could improve

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

policies and

also

Linking Words

there have to

diversity

Add a missing verb

be diversity

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, if there is a lot of

people

Use synonyms

from different culture, it may

helps

Change the verb form

help

show examples

to create an enjoyable working atmosphere.

As a result

Linking Words

, it might increase their productivity.

Also

Linking Words

, they are able to take

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

delight in their working life. Second of all, when the bosses increase

wages

Correct article usage

the wages

show examples

of their employees, it might work for the worker's

advantages

Fix the agreement mistake

advantage

show examples

. Huge businesses are capable

to reduce

Change preposition

of reducing

show examples

taxes. It leads to

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

life for the population which is suffering from lack of

money

Use synonyms

To sum up

Linking Words

, by starting up their own business make

profit

Add an article

a profit

show examples

and do other individuals a good turn.

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Tue Nov 07 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Task Response: The essay only partially addresses the prompt and lacks clear comprehensive ideas. Provide specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Coherence & Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion are present but lack development. Add more cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence.

lexical resource

Lexical Resource: Expand your range of vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively. Use a variety of words and phrases to express your points with more precision and clarity.

grammatical range

Grammatical Range: Work on using a wider range of grammatical structures and tenses. Pay attention to sentence structure and accurate word choice to enhance the overall grammatical range.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
There is a problem with the changing rooms in the sports center that you visit. You have complained several times but with no success. Write a letter to the manager of the sports center. In your letter: describe what the problem with the changing rooms is say what happened the last time you complained explain what you want the manager to do.
I am writing this letter to express my disappointment with the current condition of changing rooms. It has been observed that due to lack of maintenance, the quality of services in facility is degrading day-by-day.
7
band
Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?
Some people claim that good health plays a crucial role in their lives. Therefore, there is a debate that private hospitals should not provide medical services. Although this scenario can offer several merits and demerits, this essay will argue that the benefits of this eclipsed the drawbacks.
6
band
Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the enviroment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem?
These days, the number of people who live on Earth has been leaping; moreover, they need not only devices but also residential areas; as a result, they are solving these matters by destroying jungles; furthermore, this work has negative effects on the environment. I advise that solving this problem by changing our houses and declining spaces of industries.
4.5
band
Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individual. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals believe that teaching children in school is the main purpose of being good citizens and workers rather than to benefit them as individuals. Therefore , others disagree with this statement. In this essay , I will discuss both views and I will draw my personal conclusion.
5
band
Some people believe that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Being able to speak multiple languages is very common these days. In some countries, it is even a necessity to be able to speak more than one language. Learning a foreign language is highly encouraged, even more so from a young age. Whether to start learning a foreign language at primary school or secondary school, has both advantages and disadvantages. Although learning a foreign language at primary school has its disadvantages, it is my belief that those disadvantages do not outweigh the advantages.

Topic: As well as, making money, business also have social responsibilities.

Your opinion

Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the enviroment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem?

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individual. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?