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Band 4

Nowadays, people in most countries decide to have a children later in life. Why do they do so? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #countries #children #life #trend
Timing of the starting a family has been an essential
issues
Correct the article-noun agreement
issue
show examples
 for the families. In recent days, many couples
decide
Wrong verb form
have decided
show examples
 to have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
offspring later in their
life
. At
this
 point, there comes a question
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the minds, why
modern
Add a missing verb
do modern
show examples
 couples prefer to delay
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
starting a family
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 It can be easily stated that
this
 change in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family
life
 has some advantages and disadvantages,
such
 as more
women
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic and business
life
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
pregnancy
 complications and a decrease in
birth
Add an article
the birth
show examples
 rate.
Firstly
, one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why couples decide to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
offspring later in their
life
 is the change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
women
’s role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Comparison
Change preposition
In comparison
show examples
 with the past, for the
last
 two decades, more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
women
 have pursued their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. Imagine a woman who lived in
18’s
Correct pronoun usage
her 18’s
show examples
, their role was giving care to their children and maintaining household chores.
However
, since the
industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
show examples
,
women
 have
began
Change the verb form
begun
show examples
 to work in the industry.
Hence
, they found a chance to pursue their aim in their
life
.
As a result
, in order to reach their personal target,
such
 as their career they have needed to delay the timing of having a child. Apart from these
advatages
Correct your spelling
advantages
, having a baby later in
life
 may lead to some drawbacks. Let’s think a woman who is getting pregnant at 40 years old, may face some
pregnancy
 complications, including premature delivery or abortion.
Whereas
, a
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
 who is getting pregnant at 25 years old
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a low-level
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low-level
Correct your spelling
low level
show examples
 of these risks compared with
older
Correct article usage
an older
show examples
 one.
Additionally
, when people delay
the
Change the word
their
show examples
pregnancy
, they have usually one
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
,
by
comparison
Add the comma(s)
comparison,
show examples
 a family which was started to
build
Wrong verb form
be built
show examples
 by a couple in the early of their 20’s,
they have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 children.
To sum up
,
this
 tendency may result in a decline in the birth rate and more importantly lead to loss of workforce in the long term. When all
the
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 things are taken into account, having a baby later in family
life
 has both positive and negative sides,
such
 as risk for either mother and baby during the
pregnancy
,
on the other hand
, more role for
women
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business
life
. Governments should invest in some departments which plan family
life
 in order to strike a balance between career and family
life
.
Submitted by ilaydailday on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks clarity in presenting comprehensive ideas. More specific examples and elaboration are needed to support the main points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear, and the introduction and conclusion need improvement. The essay would benefit from a clearer and more organized presentation of ideas.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary and use of appropriate academic terminology are sufficient, but there is room for improvement in the precision and accuracy of word choice and phrasing.
grammatical range
While the essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and errors in sentence structure. Greater variety in sentence structure and more complex grammatical constructions would enhance the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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