IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some peoole think that cities are the best place to live. Others prefer to live in countryside. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#peoole #cities #place #countryside
It is thought that
cities
 are the best place to reside in,
while
 others like to live in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will illustrate both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and give my opinion.
To begin
 with, Living in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 has a lot of advantages like no air pollution , no traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 and
calm
Correct article usage
a calm
show examples
 atmosphere.
Therefore
, A significant number of elderly people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 keen on living in the
countryside
 because of its fresh air and healthy environment.
For Instance
, the air pollution in
Whitsable
Correct your spelling
Whitstable
 is lesser than
London
Change preposition
in London
show examples
 which is due mainly to the lack of cars that depend on fossil fuel.
However
, Despite these
advandages
Correct your spelling
advantages
, living in
cities
 has
tengible
Correct your spelling
valuable
 benefits precisely for adults like having a good working career and well educational background. Regards to working, a lot of major companies are in major
cities
. So
this
 will pave the way for a good chance for
non employees
Add a hyphen
non-employees
show examples
. Regarding
educatation
Correct your spelling
education
, the primary
cities
 whose learning institutions when compared with
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.
For example
 , In my
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 the number of universities
as well as
 schools in major
cities
 is greater than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
countryside
.
Moreover
, New universities will be established in the next year.
Hence
, the students whose good certificates and passionate about learning most of them will reside in the major
cities
. In a nutshell,
although
 living in the
countryside
 has some benefits , the advantages of living in the
cities
 are more than them because of the aforementioned reasons.
Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak, and the introduction and conclusion need improvement for better coherence.
lexical resource
There is a need for a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices to improve lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and lacks variety in sentence structures. Work on using a wider range of grammar to improve your score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: