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Band 3.5

The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree ?

#government #sciences #subjects #country #progress
Since improvement and progress for a nation,the government mostly should invest in the sciences of teaching
instead
 of other subjects.In my opinion,I completely agree with the argument as discipline causes to arrival of
technology
 which can alter
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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the
world
Correct word choice
whole world
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 and covering into be inquisitive people who want to get support about their studies gradually is so essential step for the nation's welfare level. First and foremost,especially in the
last
 20 years, every field has become digital-based after the learning lessons were
addedto
Correct your spelling
added to
acurriculum
Correct your spelling
curriculum
a curriculum
,and after
that
Add a comma
that,
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this
 knowledge has brought
technology
 that has benefits about changing the world.
For example
,if we look at the progress of differences between present and past ,most the searchings claim that
technology
 can affect
as
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high quality for
firstly
 human life
then
 all
of
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apply
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countries'
Add an article
the countries'
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 administration style inasmuch as their governments had created in resources of nature in order to the Earth will have long life period.
In addition
,there is a crucial point with curious people who want to take support about their studies as constantly in that they can be helping humanity's improvement.
For instance
, with the adventing
technology
 and science branches together,we can use electricity which was discovered many years ago but now is produced easily rather than old days.And society can believe that all the doors can be opened with a wide perspective on discipline. In conclusion,I agree that funding the government should only focus on sciences
instead
 of other subjects
due to
 their
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 life's development.
Submitted by sapphire  on

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task response
Address the prompt more directly and provide a balanced view on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks consistency in presenting and linking ideas. Work on organizing the essay structure more effectively.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and diversify sentence structures for better fluency.
grammatical range
Review and practice the use of grammar to ensure more accurate and varied sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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