IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some societies the number of crime committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crime should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#societies #crime #teenagers #people #age #adult #punishment
In modern times, the issue of crime committed by
youngsters
 is increasing. There are those who say that teenagers who commit crimes should have received adult punishment, others believe that they should not receive adult punishment. I completely agree with that opinion
due to
 several reasons that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss in greater detail in my essay. Generally speaking, there are a number of reasons why
people
 believe that
youngsters
 need adult punishment. Perhaps the main reason why
people
 are in favour of
this
 is that it improves the environment of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
as well as
 the living standard of the
people
. Nowadays, Children might be affected by the surroundings of the environment easily. They can easily be involved
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in different kinds of illegal work. If the country's law is hard enough,
then
 pupils may not be driven to their minds immotile. They think logically before committing every crime. To justify my viewpoint, I would like to give an example of a survey which was conducted by the University of Dhaka in 2021 that explained that 90% of the criminal cases involved by
youngsters
 during the
last
 10 years were
due to
effect
Correct article usage
the effect
show examples
 of the environment.
On the other hand
, some
people
 oppose the above statement for many reasons. They have argued that, by improving the education system we can improve the behaviors of a teenager. Society
as well as
 parents should be careful about the activities of teenagers. They should be motivated to the teenagers before an early age. Suppose, it is the era of the internet. Sometimes children have been affected by the media which shows the illegal activities' impacts on the pupils. I would like
to conclude
 that I completely agree with
this
 statement and
people
 should work on what they are giving to the
youngsters
 .Because they are in the receiver end.
Submitted by tanvir0507 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your essay is directly addressing the prompt and providing a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more logical and coherent manner to improve the overall structure of the essay.
lexical resource
Increase the range of vocabulary and use more precise and appropriate language to express your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Focus on using a wider range of grammatical structures and aim for more accuracy in sentence construction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: