IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More students decided to take a part-time job when they go into universities. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#students #job #universities #development
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More college students choose to have a
part- time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 by the time they attend
third level
Add a hyphen
third-level
show examples
education
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain that
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development because
this
Linking Words
 might help them to get
skills
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the academic area they will have a degree and
this
Linking Words
 might help them to be more conscious
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the importance of obtaining a degree.
Firstly
Linking Words
, having a part-time
job
Use synonyms
 might help some students to obtain more
skills
Use synonyms
 in the area they are going to have a degree, so
this
Linking Words
 might help them to find a suitable
job
Use synonyms
 in the near future. Many companies ask their employees to have
job
Use synonyms
 experience if they want to
work
Use synonyms
, and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having a previous
job
Use synonyms
 might help to be hired. More importantly, if they lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 experience, the chances to get hired are low.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays in the United States, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies ask their employees to submit a resume that
explain
Change the verb form
explains
show examples
 their
job
Use synonyms
 experiences
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the position they are looking for. Another positive development is that many
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 might become aware of the importance of getting a
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 because they were hired with a
minimun
Correct your spelling
minimum
 salary and needed to
work
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 hard.
This
Linking Words
 experience might help them to focus on their study because they are looking to
work
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 less and earn a
high paying
Add a hyphen
high-paying
show examples
 salary.
Also
Linking Words
, they might see the necessity to finish their
education
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 as soon as
posible
Correct your spelling
possible
 to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
job
Use synonyms
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
opportunity
.
For instance
Linking Words
, most of the people who have no university
education
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 earn
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
minimun
Correct your spelling
minimum
 salary because they
are lacked of
Wrong verb form
lack
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
, so some of them need to have two jobs during the day. In conclusion, there are many positive aspects for those students who attend university and
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 to have a part-time
job
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 because
this
Linking Words
 might lead to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 experiences and
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 new
skills
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 appreciate the opportunity to obtain a
third level
Add a hyphen
third-level
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 and make more money than the rest of the population.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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task response
The essay contains some relevant points but lacks depth and clarity. The introduction and conclusion need to be stronger and more coherent. The main points are not fully developed, and the examples need more specificity to tie in with the main arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear although it lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not well connected and transitions between paragraphs are weak. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and this affects the overall coherence of the essay.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is adequate, but there is room for improvement. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there is a lack of variety and precision. Some expressions are repetitive and lack sophistication, which affects the overall quality of the writing.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is sufficient, but there are some noticeable errors in sentence structure and tense usage. The punctuation is inconsistent, and the essay lacks complexity in the use of sentence structures. Further attention to grammatical accuracy and range is necessary to enhance the quality of writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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