IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why? Who benefit from this, the community or these young people?

#people #countries #time #communities #work #houses #benefit #community
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In
this
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 present-day world, it has to be said that a great many younger
people
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 from the affluent
communities
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 are helping the poorer
communities
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 by doing unpaid jobs: teaching and building houses.From
this
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 action,both youngsters and poorer society benefited;younger
people
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 get
tax
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benefits
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 from
this
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 charity work ,and underdeveloped countries get an education and free shelter.
Apart from
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this
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, both groups get
happiness
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 and satisfaction.
This
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 essay will enunciate
this
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 theme in detail with appropriate examples. To commence with, it is indeed an irrefutable fact that younger
people
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 from rich countries know about the global crisis and they acquire knowledge about the importance of helping others.
Firstly
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, youngsters can feel internal
peace
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 and
happiness
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while
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 doing charitable work.
Secondly
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, younger
people
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 can get
tax
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 exemption and generosity.
Thirdly
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, they can improve their
life
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 values.To cite an example, a survey was conducted by Harward University about what are the main reasons for helping poorer nations by the younger generations from wealthy nations.The result shows about 75% of
tax
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benefits
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,80% mental
peace
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 and
happiness
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, and
finally
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, 90% improved
life
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 values. To continue, it is paramount to consider poverty-stricken
communities
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'
benefits
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 from
this
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 charity work.
Firstly
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, they get
happiness
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 and
peace
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.
Secondly
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, they get an education and
this
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 can help them to get a job.
For instance
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, a study was conducted by the UNESCO organization about charity receivers'
benefits
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.The result shows about 90% of them get
blissful
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a blissful
show examples
life
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 from education and shelter.In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
light of
this
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 relevance, UNESCO has started to provide more amenities and funds to impoverished
people
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. In conclusion, it is crystal clear that both younger
people
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 from affluent nations and poorer
communities
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 get
happiness
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, mental
peace
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,and
blissful
Correct article usage
a blissful
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
Apart from
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this
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, youngsters from wealthy countries get
tax
Use synonyms
benefits
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Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
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.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and depth. The logical structure needs improvement in order to present ideas in a more organized and coherent manner. More specific examples and details would enhance the response.
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas. However, the response could offer more depth and insight into the topic, providing a more thorough examination of the benefits to both the younger people and the poorer communities. More specific examples and details would enhance the response.
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