IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that eating meat is bad for health. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #meat #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many individuals prefer to eat
meat
Use synonyms
 in a single day. Some societies believe that consuming
meat
Use synonyms
 is awful for
health
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in my perspective, eating
meat
Use synonyms
 gives several benefits to our well-being.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, some citizens suppose that there were a lot of cons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, As we cook food we need to use high temperatures for burning which can link to cancer.
As a result
Linking Words
, may lead to DNA damage
due to
Linking Words
 absorption of heat-damaged DNA from these foods.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
meat
Use synonyms
 is high in fat
as well as
Linking Words
 high cholesterol which leads to develop fatty deposits in your blood vessels.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it causes heart disease which it was really dangerous and a risk to your life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
meat
Use synonyms
 is very important to our
health
Use synonyms
 as it contains plenty of protein, leading
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 growth and development in individuals.
Also
Linking Words
, certain essential compounds can only be found in
meat
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, it provides iron, zinc , and vitamin B that our
health
Use synonyms
 needs for balancing
as well as
Linking Words
 insurance against
health
Use synonyms
 issues. So if we can minimize and balance how to eat, it would be very merit to our welfare. In conclusion, though many people argue that
meat
Use synonyms
 dishes are bad for
health
Use synonyms
,
meat
Use synonyms
 itself is an excellent source of protein.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is not poor for
health
Use synonyms
, and we should eat in the best approach.
Submitted by Jinyada5910 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks clarity and coherence. Ensure that the introduction provides a clear stance on the topic and a preview of the main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat developed, but there is a need for better organization and coherence in presenting the ideas. Ensure that there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The support for the main points is evident, but the ideas could be better linked to each other to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The response addresses the task to some extent, but the points could be more clearly presented and developed to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The ideas presented are mostly relevant to the topic, but there is a need for clearer and more comprehensive development of the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: