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Band 4

Many people today are worried about ‘cybercrime ’such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does ‘cybercrime’ cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and businesses to take? Give reasons for your answer, and provide ideas and examples from your own experience.

#people #‘cybercrime #’such #identity #theft #‘cybercrime’ #businesses
In today's world, most individuals are intimidated by online crimes. The development of technology and the absence of control over online
security
 have become significant threats, perhaps violating the privacy of the online community. In
this
 essay, I will emphasise the causes and problems people face
due to
 cybercrime, followed by personal suggestions for the public and businesses.
To begin
 with, identity theft is one of the biggest
crime
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crimes
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 taking place
in
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on
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 most online platforms like social media or
in
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on
show examples
 the internet for
fradulent
Correct your spelling
fraudulent
 activities. Using people's identification has been easy
due to
advance
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advanced
show examples
 technology.
For instance
,
now a days
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nowadays
show examples
 making
an
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apply
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adult content using
artifical
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artificial
 intelligence is a trend
amoung
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among
 youth.
However
,
this
 has caused
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 increase in suicidal rates in many countries.
Therefore
, it has been a real threat to people's privacy and
security
. Lack of
security
 and knowledge about online scams has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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for
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to
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increase
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an increase
the increase
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 in cyber crimes. To address the issue
on
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of
show examples
 cybercrimes, taking
a
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apply
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strong
security
measure
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measures
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 can be highly effective. Individuals can improve their online
security
 by adding strong
password
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passwords
show examples
such
 as
two factor
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two-factor
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 authentification and face ID for necessary login and documents.
This
 approach will easily make hackers
to
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apply
show examples
fail in crimes.
Additionally
, public awareness will benefit to spread
informations
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information
pieces of information
show examples
 about online scams and thefts which can help to reduce the risks.
On the other hand
, companies can enhance their
a
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apply
show examples
quaility
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quality
security
 systems
while
colloborating
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collaborating
 with law enforcement agencies. In
conculsion
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conclusion
, cybercrime has emerged
a
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as a
show examples
problem that
effects
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affects
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 social and financial aspects. To mitigate adverse effects, the commitment from the public and
Correct article usage
the corperate
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corperate
Correct your spelling
corporate
 sector is a must. By implementing these actions, it is possible to make
online
Add an article
the online
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 world
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safe enough
to
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for
show examples
 any individual and stable in the
longer
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long
show examples
 run.
Submitted by shazraibrahimphotography2 on

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Task Response
You need to strictly adhere to the task prompt by discussing both the problems of cybercrime and providing solutions for ordinary people and businesses. Your essay lacks specific and relevant examples to support your points. The examples you provided are not well-explained and do not effectively enhance your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks overall coherence and cohesion. It is poorly organized and lacks a clear structure. There is a lack of a logical progression of ideas from one paragraph to another. Additionally, the points are not effectively connected, leading to confusion and a lack of coherence in your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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