IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people today are worried about ‘cybercrime ’such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does ‘cybercrime’ cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and businesses to take? Give reasons for your answer, and provide ideas and examples from your own experience.

#people #‘cybercrime #’such #identity #theft #‘cybercrime’ #businesses
In today's world, most individuals are intimidated by online crimes. The development of technology and the absence of control over online
security
 have become significant threats, perhaps violating the privacy of the online community. In
this
 essay, I will emphasise the causes and problems people face
due to
 cybercrime, followed by personal suggestions for the public and businesses.
To begin
 with, identity theft is one of the biggest
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 taking place
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 most online platforms like social media or
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet for
fradulent
Correct your spelling
fraudulent
 activities. Using people's identification has been easy
due to
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technology.
For instance
,
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 making
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult content using
artifical
Correct your spelling
artificial
 intelligence is a trend
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 youth.
However
,
this
 has caused
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 increase in suicidal rates in many countries.
Therefore
, it has been a real threat to people's privacy and
security
. Lack of
security
 and knowledge about online scams has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in cyber crimes. To address the issue
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 cybercrimes, taking
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong
security
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 can be highly effective. Individuals can improve their online
security
 by adding strong
password
Change the noun form
passwords
show examples
such
 as
two factor
Add a hyphen
two-factor
show examples
 authentification and face ID for necessary login and documents.
This
 approach will easily make hackers
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
fail in crimes.
Additionally
, public awareness will benefit to spread
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 about online scams and thefts which can help to reduce the risks.
On the other hand
, companies can enhance their
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quaility
Correct your spelling
quality
security
 systems
while
colloborating
Correct your spelling
collaborating
 with law enforcement agencies. In
conculsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, cybercrime has emerged
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
problem that
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
 social and financial aspects. To mitigate adverse effects, the commitment from the public and
Correct article usage
the corperate
show examples
corperate
Correct your spelling
corporate
 sector is a must. By implementing these actions, it is possible to make
online
Add an article
the online
show examples
 world
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safe enough
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any individual and stable in the
longer
Correct word choice
long
show examples
 run.
Submitted by shazraibrahimphotography2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
You need to strictly adhere to the task prompt by discussing both the problems of cybercrime and providing solutions for ordinary people and businesses. Your essay lacks specific and relevant examples to support your points. The examples you provided are not well-explained and do not effectively enhance your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks overall coherence and cohesion. It is poorly organized and lacks a clear structure. There is a lack of a logical progression of ideas from one paragraph to another. Additionally, the points are not effectively connected, leading to confusion and a lack of coherence in your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • phishing
  • malware
  • ransomware
  • data breach
  • two-factor authentication
  • encryption
  • firewall
  • cybersecurity
  • identity theft
  • financial fraud
  • reputation management
  • vulnerabilities
  • patch management
  • cyber hygiene
  • regulatory compliance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: