In this technological personal information of all kinds is held on computer by different companies and organization in many countries. Do the advantages of this development out weigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, it has been a highly debate issue whether personal
information
data
should be held on computers by numerous corporations in many countries.
While
this
trend has several benefits for both private enterprises and state-owned enterprises. Personally, I am convinced that its drawbacks are far more significant. First and foremost, customers’ personal
information
data
will allow businesses easy access to find new customers conveniently and save time.
For instance
, when a company is in the process of developing a new product, they will use customers’
information
stored in technology devices to tap into customers’ psychology and refresh customer segments.
Additionally
,
this
is
also
an effective way for consumers to keep updated with the latest products and make the purchase decision. To illustrate, Apple fans usually receive emails from the manufacturer to learn more about upcoming iPhone models.
On the other hand
, storing personal
data
will cause many risky consequences for customers. When customer
information
is updated, it is likely to be stolen by hackers who steal
information
and leak sensitive
information
due to
security issues.
Moreover
, personal
information
stored on computers can lead to loss of privacy and control over users'
data
, as companies and organizations can use
this
information
improperly purpose. For illustration, there are more and more customers who have their
information
stolen and personal phone numbers exposed by companies selling them to illegal sales offices for profit. In conclusion, despite its benefits, providing personal
data
to companies poses a threat to society and every individual.
Therefore
, there is a need to offer more solutions to ensure
data
privacy.
Submitted by phthaoo on

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task response
You need to provide a clear opinion in the introduction and explain your stance throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The logical progression of ideas should be improved to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and sophisticated language to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure, grammar accuracy, and variety. Use a mix of simple and complex sentences.
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