In this technological personal information of all kinds is held on computer by different companies and organization in many countries. Do the advantages of this development out weigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years, it has been a highly debate issue whether personal

information

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data

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should be held on computers by numerous corporations in many countries.

While

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this

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trend has several benefits for both private enterprises and state-owned enterprises. Personally, I am convinced that its drawbacks are far more significant. First and foremost, customers’ personal

information

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data

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will allow businesses easy access to find new customers conveniently and save time.

For instance

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, when a company is in the process of developing a new product, they will use customers’

information

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stored in technology devices to tap into customers’ psychology and refresh customer segments.

Additionally

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this

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also

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an effective way for consumers to keep updated with the latest products and make the purchase decision. To illustrate, Apple fans usually receive emails from the manufacturer to learn more about upcoming iPhone models.

On the other hand

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, storing personal

data

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will cause many risky consequences for customers. When customer

information

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is updated, it is likely to be stolen by hackers who steal

information

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and leak sensitive

information

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due to

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security issues.

Moreover

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, personal

information

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stored on computers can lead to loss of privacy and control over users'

data

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, as companies and organizations can use

this

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information

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improperly purpose. For illustration, there are more and more customers who have their

information

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stolen and personal phone numbers exposed by companies selling them to illegal sales offices for profit. In conclusion, despite its benefits, providing personal

data

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to companies poses a threat to society and every individual.

Therefore

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, there is a need to offer more solutions to ensure

data

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privacy.

phthaoo Wed Nov 08 2023

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task response

You need to provide a clear opinion in the introduction and explain your stance throughout the essay.

coherence and cohesion

The logical progression of ideas should be improved to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and sophisticated language to express your ideas.

grammatical range

Work on sentence structure, grammar accuracy, and variety. Use a mix of simple and complex sentences.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Social media is an essential part of young people’s lives nowadays, but its impact is often criticized. What are the advantages and disadvantages of social media in teenagers’ and young adults’ lives?

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Some people rely too much on doctors instead of taking care of their own health. They think all health problems can just by ‘fixed’ by visiting doctors. What problems could this approach to healthcare cause and how might they be solved?

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

It is becoming increasingly popular for people to tourist destinations during public holidays. What problems does this causes? What solutions are these to this problems.