Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reason and examples.

The contemporary world is extremely dynamic.
Therefore
,
people
have to experience some
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
or
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
situations
during their
lives
. A segment of the community trusts that it is good to accept bad
situations
such
as an
unpleasent
Correct your spelling
unpleasant
occupation or lack of money.
However
, the other part is to try to enhance those types of bad circumstances.
This
essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
discuss both aspects of
this
statement and provide evidence for why
people
should improve
this
particular situation in their
lives
. I believe that individuals should improve those bad
situations
in their
lives
.   On the one hand, unexpectedly,
people
have to accept some unsatisfactory conditions.
For instance
, in the modern world, there is enormous competition for jobs.
Hence
, job seekers have to accept offers if they are not satisfied with the employer.
Further
, unsatisfied jobs may
also
lead to a weak financial backbone.
Due to
these conditions,
people
face a number of problems. In the latest research, 75% of newcomers to the job market are suffering
dissatisfaction
Change preposition
from dissatisfaction
show examples
with their occupation and scarcity of money.  
On the other hand
,
people
should not be stuck in their comfort zone. Because the comfortable zone is directed to create vast
problamatic
Correct your spelling
problematic
situations
. The world's leading businessmen always tried to overcome the above-mentioned problems through improvements.
For example
, building up a confident and professional career background is essential to finding a successful occupation.
Additionally
, money investment plans frequently drive to reduce financial problems and build a strong personality.  
To conclude
, current society is continuously looking for improvement in their living conditions
while
planning development.
Accordingly
, considering the above-mentioned facts, modern society explores various improvements for a better lifestyle. Owing to that, my view is that
people
should follow the improvement path to overcome the bad circumstances throughout their
lives
.
Submitted by shanikamaduri on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear paraphrasing of the prompt and a clear thesis statement. The conclusion is also weak.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt adequately, providing relevant arguments for both views. The examples provided could be more specific and varied.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence and organization, but it would benefit from the use of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.
lexical resource
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. More precise and varied vocabulary could be used to enhance the essay.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good command of grammar, although there are some errors in verb tense, article usage, and sentence structure. More complex and varied sentence structures could also be used for improvement.

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