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Writing Samples
Band 5

The pie charts below show the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three different diets. Summarize the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three different diets. Summarize the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The three pie chart depicts the percentage of
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 and fat in 3 various diets.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is
noticeabale
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 in
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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diet
Use synonyms
 had a high percentage,
whereas
Linking Words
 fat in
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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diet
Use synonyms
 for sport lowest.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
average
Correct article usage
the average
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diet
Use synonyms
, proteins and
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 shared
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 proportion throughout the period, namely 40 %.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they were twice as much as fat, 20 % roughly. In terms of
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 for sport, proteins obtained approximately 25 %.
However
Linking Words
,
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 accounted for 50 %,
while
Linking Words
 the rate of fat
only
Add a missing verb
was only
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 15 %.
Consequently
Linking Words
, fat was the type of
diet
Use synonyms
 which was not popular over the period in question. With regards to
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
,
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 had
also
Linking Words
 50 %which was over 2 times bigger than fat, 20 %. Ultimately,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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carbohydrates
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
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 the most popular among all types of
diet
Use synonyms
 throughout the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words carbohydrates, diet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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