IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

With access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a number of dangerous situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children. To what extent do you agree.

#access #internet #media #websites #children #situations #adults #limit
There is no denying the fact that
internet
 and social media websites can be a debatable subject.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that access to the
internet
 for
children
 should be limited by adults. there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider the
internet
 and social media websites can have a positive effect by strict rules on how to use them.
To begin
 with,
Children
 may be exposed to inappropriate content online.
In other words
, nowadays, there are a lot of advertisements meant for adults but they appear for
children
 too.
In addition
, they may be targeted by online predators.
For example
, it is easy now for anybody to talk to them by Messagesing them in the games app or any app so the parents should know how to protect their
children
. Another point to consider is that excessive
internet
 use can negatively impact
children
's physical and mental health. It is
also
 possible to say that, it can
also
 have a bad effect on their academic achievement in school.
Moreover
, Education about online safety should be incorporated into the school curriculum.
For instance
,if they have been in any dangerous situations they will know how to act correctly. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that adults should learn to limit access to the
internet
 for their
children
, I suggest that the parents take a course to learn how to protect their
children
 especially if they do not have any experience.
Submitted by abdelaah.12 on

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task response
The task is only partially addressed. The essay discusses both sides of the argument but does not clearly present a stance. It is important to clearly express a position and justify it with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is evident, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the development of ideas within paragraphs and their connection to the overall argument could be improved for better coherence.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary and attempts to use a mix of simple and complex structures. However, there is a need for greater variety and precision in word choice, as well as more accurate and sophisticated sentence structures.
grammatical range
The grammar and sentence structure are generally appropriate, but there are errors in verb tense and sentence construction. The use of punctuation and sentence complexity can also be improved to convey ideas more clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dangerous situations
  • limit access to the internet
  • inappropriate content
  • online predators
  • physical and mental health
  • monitoring and guiding
  • online safety
  • school curriculum
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