IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People visiting other countries should adapt to the customs and behaviours expected there. They should not expect the host country to welcome different customs and behaviours. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #customs #behaviours #host #country
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It is true that tourists should
respect
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 the cultural behaviours and clothing of the destination
country
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 they
visit
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.
However
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, I believe that the
host
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countries
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 are responsible for behaving
visitors
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 well and accepting the cultural differences. On the one hand, it is a necessity for tourists to
respect
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 the traditional cultures of the destination
countries
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.
Visitors
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, as soon as they enter the
host
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countries
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, should immerse themselves in the new culture. They must understand that the customs and ceremonies of each
country
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 are their cultural heritage from their ancestors, and they contain a whole way of life. What’s more, the world is far more beautiful and prosperous with the existence of different
people
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 with different traditional clothes and thoughts.
For example
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, in Iran, there are diverse cultural differences, even in small towns.
Therefore
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, it’s highly thrilling to travel across the
country
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,
visit
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 the cities, talk with different
people
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, learn about their specific folklore and buy their handicrafts.
However
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, the
respect
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 between the visitor and the
host
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country
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 should be mutual.
Visitors
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 come from
countries
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 with different cultures, and they expect to be welcomed during their travels.
Also
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, as
visitors
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 have many benefits for the
host
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country
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, governments have to make decisions to increase
people
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's awareness of how to act with tourists.
For instance
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, Venice is one of the most popular cities in the world, where millions of tourist
visit
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 their attractions and inject an extreme amount of money into their economy.
In addition
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, local residents can interact with
visitors
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 and learn about the thoughts and beliefs of
people
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 from overseas, and
consequently
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,
this
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 may lead to broadening their horizons. In conclusion, I believe that,
while
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 the
visitors
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 should act well and
respect
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 the traditions of the
host
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countries
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 during their
visit
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, they must be respected and accepted for their different culture.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Task Achievement
To further enhance your task response score, ensure your essay fully addresses all aspects of the prompt in a balanced manner. While you've done a good job of presenting arguments for both sides, you could improve by deepening the exploration of how tourists and host countries can work together to foster mutual respect.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you've established a strong logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. To elevate your essay further, consider varying your linking phrases more to demonstrate a wider range of cohesion tools. Additionally, revisiting your introduction and conclusion to ensure they are as impactful as possible could also help strengthen your essay's overall coherence.
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