Some people say that the use of mobile phones should not be allowed in public places such as libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #places #libraries #shops #transport

It is often claimed that banning the use of

phones

in public places should be considered.

Although

this

solution has some merits, I believe,from my perspective, smartphones should not be forbidden

due to

their popular usage among people and the following paragraphs will elaborate more on it.

To begin

with, using technologies and cell

phones

enables individuals to communicate with each other and provides access to emergency services so they can ask for help whenever they need it.

As a result

, banning them would put anyone at risk and cut off communication.

Moreover

, these advanced tools provide a means of entertainment and distraction from the monotony of daily life. In transportation,

for instance

, passengers need their smartphones so they kill time , especially on long-drive journeys.

In addition

, in the

last

few decades, the dependence on using cell

phones

has been increasing. Not only do individuals rely on the usage of handsets for their own good

Add the word(s)

, but

show examples

also

businesses including markets or

sort

Fix the agreement mistake

sorts

show examples

of transportation depend on

this

technology. The majority of markets and shops,

for example

, are considering Apple payment by phone.

As a consequence

, the prohibition of using

Change preposition

apply

show examples

handsets in public will negatively

impacts

Change the verb form

impact

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

businesses.

However

, we can

promot

Correct your spelling

promote

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

responsible and

awarness

Correct your spelling

awareness

among people

how

Change preposition

on how

show examples

to respect

others

Change noun form

others'

other's

show examples

needs and use mobiles in specific areas away from them. In conclusion,

while

I understand the concerns about mobile devices causing disturbance in open areas, I deem that forbidding

phones

is not a practical choice to make.

Submitted by dina.halaweh53 on Wed Nov 08 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented. Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion and this affects the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.

task response

You have addressed the task to a certain extent, but make sure to provide a clearer and more comprehensive response to the question. Ensure that your ideas are developed in a more detailed and relevant manner.

lexical resource

Your use of vocabulary is adequate, but try to include a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay. Additionally, pay attention to collocations and phrasal verbs to improve the lexical resource of your essay.

grammatical range

Your grammar is generally accurate, but there are instances of awkward or unclear phrasing. Make sure to vary your sentence structures and use a wider range of complex and compound sentences to demonstrate a more sophisticated grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

248 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Distraction
Etiquette
Tranquility
Prohibit
Intrusive
Courtesy
Essential communication
Public decorum
Designated areas
Safety concerns
Noise pollution
Digital etiquette
Enforcement measures
Civic responsibility
Silent mode
Connectivity
Invasiveness
Social norms
Policy implementation
Moderation

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Some people say that the use of mobile phones should not be allowed in public places such as libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some scientist thinks that there are intelligent life forms on other planets and messages should be sent to contact them. Other scientists think it is a bad idea and would be dangerous, Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many offenders commit more crime after serving their first punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

In many countries, plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish. They cause water and land pollution, and so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Human activities have negative effects on the environment. Some people believe it is too late to take measures to prevent animals and plants from dying out. Others think actions should be taken to improve the situation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.