IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people say that the use of mobile phones should not be allowed in public places such as libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #places #libraries #shops #transport
It is often claimed that banning the use of
phones
 in public places should be considered.
Although
this
 solution has some merits, I believe,from my perspective, smartphones should not be forbidden
due to
 their popular usage among people and the following paragraphs will elaborate more on it.
To begin
 with, using technologies and cell
phones
 enables individuals to communicate with each other and provides access to emergency services so they can ask for help whenever they need it.
As a result
, banning them would put anyone at risk and cut off communication.
Moreover
, these advanced tools provide a means of entertainment and distraction from the monotony of daily life. In transportation,
for instance
, passengers need their smartphones so they kill time , especially on long-drive journeys.
In addition
, in the
last
 few decades, the dependence on using cell
phones
 has been increasing. Not only do individuals rely on the usage of handsets for their own good
,
Add the word(s)
, but
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also
 businesses including markets or
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
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 of transportation depend on
this
 technology. The majority of markets and shops,
for example
, are considering Apple payment by phone.
As a consequence
, the prohibition of using
of
Change preposition
apply
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handsets in public will negatively
impacts
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impact
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on
Change preposition
apply
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businesses.
However
, we can
promot
Correct your spelling
promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
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responsible and
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 among people
how
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on how
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 to respect
others
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others'
other's
show examples
 needs and use mobiles in specific areas away from them. In conclusion,
while
 I understand the concerns about mobile devices causing disturbance in open areas, I deem that forbidding
phones
 is not a practical choice to make.
Submitted by dina.halaweh53 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented. Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion and this affects the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task response
You have addressed the task to a certain extent, but make sure to provide a clearer and more comprehensive response to the question. Ensure that your ideas are developed in a more detailed and relevant manner.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is adequate, but try to include a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay. Additionally, pay attention to collocations and phrasal verbs to improve the lexical resource of your essay.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate, but there are instances of awkward or unclear phrasing. Make sure to vary your sentence structures and use a wider range of complex and compound sentences to demonstrate a more sophisticated grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Etiquette
  • Tranquility
  • Prohibit
  • Intrusive
  • Courtesy
  • Essential communication
  • Public decorum
  • Designated areas
  • Safety concerns
  • Noise pollution
  • Digital etiquette
  • Enforcement measures
  • Civic responsibility
  • Silent mode
  • Connectivity
  • Invasiveness
  • Social norms
  • Policy implementation
  • Moderation
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