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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.
#bar #percentages #canadian #workforce #five #industries
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This
Linking Words
 bar graph illustrates the amount of
labor
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labour
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 represented in percentages in 5 different work environments
such
Linking Words
 as manufacturing, services, agriculture/fishing, construction, and
energy
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/
water
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 in Canada in 1850 and 2020.
Overall
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, in 2020, the highest
percentage
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 of
people
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 were working in services
while
Linking Words
 in 1850 Manufacturing had a great deal
percentage
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. In 2020, Agriculture/Fishing and
Energy
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/
Water
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 had the lowest amount of inhabitants in
labor
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labour
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. The
Energy
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/
water
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industry
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 had the least amount of employees in 1850 whilst the majority of
people
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 were working in manufacturing in that given period. In 1850, the manufacturing business was the biggest
industry
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 with 36%.
However
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, over the next centuries, employees from Canada had a steep decline
this
Linking Words
 that
industry
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 with an
overall
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percentage
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 of only 9% in 2020.
Also
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, Agriculture/Fishing noticed a major decline in
percentage
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 going from 22% in 1850 to only 1% in 2020.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of
people
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 working in services substantially increased from 1850 to 2020, 33% and 81% respectively. The
Energy
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/
water
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industry
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 had the least number of
people
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 employed in 1850 and 2020.
This
Linking Words
 was 3% in 1850 and declined to only 1% in 2020.
Submitted by Andrea Barreto on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, water, percentage, people, industry with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
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