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Band 6

Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #time #subjects #history #people #skills #students #job
There is an argument that educational institutions teach common
subjects
,
such
 as history and math and that it is better to spend time promoting classes with
subjects
 that involve professional practical courses. I partially agree with
such
 a point of view, because even though it is important that
schools
 teach trivial matters,
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 of learning must prepare youngsters for the future by teaching about the job market. On the one hand, it is essential that
schools
 prepare
students
 based on traditional
subjects
, because it stimulates logical and critical thought,
consequently
 improving the education of the general population.
For example
, it is estimated that 40% of scholars in Latin America who graduate from traditional
schools
 obtain high positions in the government, because of the sense of citizenship they build in history classes at school.
On the other hand
,
schools
 must provide skills related to business, because it can help
students
 to take a chance on an outstanding job opportunity when they finish their studies,
therefore
 it will improve their chances of becoming more competitive in the job market.
For instance
, it is known that in the USA most graduate
students
 find a position easily after college,
due to
 the fact that they can develop leadership skills and are able to analyze and solve complex problems,
thus
students
 can grow professionally.
To conclude
, I do believe that educational institutions must teach traditional
subjects
 to develop a critical view, in spite of the importance of teaching life skills. Ideally, not only should
schools
 prepare
students
 to achieve their personal goals, but
also
 value common content as a facilitator for building education.
Submitted by aracellyfontes on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the task, providing some relevant points but lacking a clear and consistent opinion. The response should express a clear and balanced viewpoint throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical, with an introduction and conclusion. However, the lack of clear opinion affects the cohesion of the essay.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a range of vocabulary and uses some appropriate academic phrases. However, there are instances of inaccurate word choice and awkward phrasing that affect the clarity of expression.
grammatical range
There are some errors in sentence structure, word choice, and verb tense consistency. Proofreading is necessary to avoid these grammatical errors and improve overall accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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