Throughout history, people have dreamed to live in a perfect society while they haven't agreed how what the ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? What can people do to achieve an ideal society?

#history #people #society #haven #element #world

People

have pursued the ideal

society

for a long time. There are some vital factors for

this

goal and, in

this

essay, I will enumerate them and suggest several ways to achieve it.

To begin

with, there are some necessities to attain an impeccable

society

. For one thing, the redistribution of wealth plays a decisive role in a perfect

society

, which rectifies disproportionate competition in the free market economy.

This

can mitigate not only the gap between the rich and the poor but

also

unbalanced opportunities.

Therefore

, it provides life above the subsistence level in a humanitarian way and makes fair chances, redeeming

people

from torpidity. Aside from that, strong and just laws are another key

mainly

Rephrase

apply

show examples

put forward. They can make

people

well conform to legislation through the establishment of a commonly standardized social order.

Furthermore

, many crimes can be eradicated by sequestering criminals from innocent

people

In addition

to the components mentioned above, as far as I am concerned, there are a few measures to accomplish the desirable

society

Firstly

people

should have sympathy for the poor, showing generosity

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

to them.

This

is because

this

approach

developes

Correct your spelling

develops

developed

society

in ways to not drop out the weak.

Furthermore

, if the affluent sympathize with the unprivileged, they are willing to pay more taxes for redistribution.

Secondly

, democracy can contribute to a better

society

, making

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

laws which can represent the public

due to

the fact that the statutes which all

people

readily abide

need

Change preposition

by need

show examples

the support of the public.

For

this

reason, the only laws enacted by the democratic representatives who stand in for constituents are meaningful and powerful. In conclusion, there are several important elements in order to reach an optimal

society

Additionally

, compassionate and democratic attitudes can be good approaches for

this

aim.

Submitted by moonmond15 on Thu Nov 09 2023

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coherence and cohesion

Provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay.

coherence and cohesion

The essay lacks a clear conclusion summarizing the main points and providing closure to the essay.

task achievement

Ensure that the examples provided are more relevant and specific to the points being made.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

296 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Throughout history, people have dreamed to live in a perfect society while they haven't agreed how what the ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? What can people do to achieve an ideal society?

some people believe that students should learn science subjects at schools while others believe that other subjects like history is also beneficial for them discuss both views

Scientific research should be the responsibility of government rather than commercial organisations. Do you agree?

Some people say that older people should live with their adult children, while others think they should live in homes specially built for old people. Which do you think is a better practice?