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Band 4

Some people believe that children should be allowed to choose what subjects they study at school. Others argue that everyone should study the same subjects. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #children #subjects #study #school
It is believed by some echelons that
study
 courses should be decided by toddlers,
while
 others oppose
this
 by stating that everyone should
study
 the same subjects. I strongly agree with the first statement, because choosing
thesis
Correct article usage
a thesis
show examples
 by own will not only lead to
generate
Change the verb form
generating
show examples
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 among youngsters, but will
also
precipate
Correct your spelling
precipitate
participate
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
generating great personalities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the nation. I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
points in upcoming paragraphs with lucid examples. Kids are the
future
 of the nation.
Therefore
 they will provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great outputs if the knowledge is being given to them with interest. Nurturing the
schoolfolks
Correct your spelling
school
 with zero interest will have serious
repurcussions
Correct your spelling
repercussions
 because they will show less zeal
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
sunjects
Correct your spelling
projects
 which will not be fruitful.
Moreover
, learning with enthusiasm always helps to generate
bright
Correct article usage
a bright
show examples
future
,
therefore
 kids can
further
 withdraw handsome salaries.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
rich
Correct article usage
a rich
show examples
 salary will assist
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 uphill the
monetory
Correct your spelling
monetary
 of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, we can predict a sparkling
future
 ahead. To elucidate, The famous
indian
Change the capitalization
Indian
show examples
 cricketer Virat
kohli
Change the capitalization
Kohli
show examples
 is 10th failed, but he is
such
 a shining star in the world of Cricket.
On the other hand
, going for unique
cources
Correct your spelling
courses
sources
 has some drawbacks too. If everyone is entitled to choose
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 topics,
then
 one grabs knowledge about every field of
study
. Not doing so can deteriorate less knowledge about the other subjects. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, Mathematics plays
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 role in our life. Failing to learn about basic calculations will create
loophole
Fix the agreement mistake
loopholes
show examples
 in the system.
To conclude
, knowing about every
fundamentals
Change to a singular noun
fundamental
show examples
 of
study
 is great, but toddlers shall have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to choose the thesis of their own interest after a certain age
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the
future
 is dependent on them. They will
show-up
Correct your spelling
show up
show examples
 more
precise
Change the word
precisely
show examples
 if the zest is invested in them.
Submitted by rajvir on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more comprehensive and directly related to the task. The main points need to be more clearly supported with relevant examples.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic but lacks clear development. The inclusion of more specific examples and a stronger conclusion would improve task response and completeness of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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