IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people working longer hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. What are the advantages and disadvantages..

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In the competitive world, people are working hard to prove themselves in many organizations and leaving less
time
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 for other important activities.
This
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 essay will explain the demerits of
this
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 approach
such
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 as the inability to cope with
work
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-life balance and ill-health of many
individuals
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 and a few merits like getting fast promotions and business expansion.
To begin
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 with,
firstly
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, competition is huge in many corporations
therefore
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 professionals are
doing
Verb problem
making
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 tireless efforts to prove their abilities which leads to less
time
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 for their families and well-being.
For example
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 – a survey conducted by the corporate world to check the gist of employees just to get a real sense of how they feel in terms of
work
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-life balance, the majority of them feel overburdened with
work
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 leading to less
time
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 for themselves.
This
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 indicates that
individuals
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 feel frustrated and over-utilized with the nature of their
work
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. In order to get promoted in a short span of
time
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, professionals are indulging in many projects
along with
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 daily deliverables which have two-sided benefits, on the one hand,
individuals
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 get fast promotions
however
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on the other hand
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, businesses usually flourish with
this
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 mindset of
individuals
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.
However
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,
this
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 approach adds more pressure on them and leads to lesser leisure
time
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 for their families
as well as
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 adds to major issues in their lives that are depression, anxiety, and nervousness.
For example
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 – a report published in the Times of India, indicated that many youngsters are getting nervous disorders problems
due to
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 stressful situations in their
work
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 area.
This
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 is proven that many
individuals
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 are not getting proper mental satisfaction in their lives
due to
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work
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 pressure.
To conclude
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, in order to get faster promotions and foster growth path professionals are working restlessly which helps business expansion
however
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, in
this
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 scenario many health issues are creating troubles in their lives.
Therefore
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, balance should be opted out so that willpower and health will not
be suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 in the long run.

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task response
The essay partially addresses the prompt. It discusses the advantages and disadvantages of working longer hours, but the focus on business growth and fast promotions is not directly relevant to the prompt. It would be beneficial to elaborate more on the impact on leisure activities and personal well-being.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and presents supported main points. However, the introduction and conclusion lack clarity and do not effectively frame the essay. Additionally, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to improve coherence.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and effectively conveys the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise language and awkward phrasing that affect the overall lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be improved. Additionally, more varied sentence structures would enhance the grammatical range.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • work-life balance
  • productivity
  • financial gain
  • career advancement
  • skill development
  • personal fulfillment
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • social life
  • quality of life
  • neglect
  • leisure activities
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