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Writing Samples
Band 4

The table below shows the change in number of people engaged in various physical activities between the years 2001-2009 in Australia (in million people). Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the change in number of people engaged in various physical activities between the years 2001-2009 in Australia (in million people). Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The data displays the number of people engaged in various physical activities
such
Linking Words
 as Running,
Aerobic
Fix the agreement mistake
Aerobics
show examples
, Tennis, Cycling and Swimming between the years 2001-2009 in Australia. The table serves
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
million
Use synonyms
. In general, in
Use synonyms
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of
change
Use synonyms
, running is the
most
Change the adjective
apply
show examples
biggest
percentage
Use synonyms
 with 156%
change
Use synonyms
 in eight years,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 cycling
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of changes
show examples
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
 with -20%,
event
Correct your spelling
even
show examples
 though cycling is one of
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 favourable sport with more than 3
million
Use synonyms
 fans. In 2001, the most popular physical
activitiy
Correct your spelling
activity
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 cycling with 4.5
million
Use synonyms
enthusiast
Change to a plural noun
enthusiasts
show examples
, followed by other swimming at 3.7
million
Use synonyms
, Aerobics
1.5
Change preposition
at 1.5
show examples
million
Use synonyms
, and running
1.4
Change preposition
at 1.4
show examples
million
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the least favorite physical exercise was tennis with only 1
million
Use synonyms
enthusiast
Change to a plural noun
enthusiasts
show examples
. In 2009, running became the
most
Change the adjective
apply
show examples
biggest
percentage
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 with 156% and
Correct article usage
a
show examples
slightly
Change the word
slight
show examples
 increase from 1.4
million
Use synonyms
 in 2001
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 to 1.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2005 and ended with 2.2
million
Use synonyms
activis
Correct your spelling
active
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, cycling fans
are decrease
Change the verb form
are decreasing
show examples
 from 4.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2001, to 3.1
million
Use synonyms
 in 2005, and rising to 3.6
million
Use synonyms
 in 2009.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
change
Use synonyms
 is -20% in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 eight years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million, percentage, change with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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