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Band 4

Some old people today struggle with the use of modern techonologies such as smartphones and computers. What is the cause of this? What are some possible solutions?

#people #struggle #techonologies #smartphones #computers
The lack of habituation with innovative
tools
due to
 the lifestyle of the old times is the reason
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
why a portion of old
people
 find it challenging to work with smart electronic devices.
However
,
this
 could be addressed by introducing courses to provide training to those residents. The main cause of
this
 obstacle lies in the fact that they couldn't engage in technical
tools
 in their childhood. Habits developed during the earlier days of individuals have
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
 impact and comparatively, are often difficult to develop the same in
later
Correct article usage
the later
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 stages of life,
for example
people
 in their 50s.
Also
, expensive technical
tools
 made them inaccessible
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the majority of the
people
 from the old era.
As a result
, they find difficulties in developing a new habit of using
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
. The challenges of their technical know-how can be resolved by assisting them in acquiring expertise related to using hi-tech gadgets. What I mean is that community programs can be introduced that
specifically
Add a missing verb
are specifically
show examples
 tailored for the senior citizens.
For example
, programs that incorporate, employing visual aids for easy understanding, educating about the significance of mobile phones in case of emergencies and most importantly, the patience and welcoming personality of program instructors will greatly encourage our elderly
people
for participating
Change preposition
to participate
show examples
 in those initiatives. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less exposure to
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 in adolescence is the primitive reason for the aged community's perceived technical incompetence.
Nevertheless
, it can be solved by the dissemination of
accumen
Correct your spelling
acumen
 about using the advanced
tools
 of
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 innovations.
Submitted by rohit.narad90 on

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The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, but there is room for improvement in organizing the logical structure and ensuring a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported adequately.
task achievement
The essay provides a relevant and complete response to the task, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant specific examples. However, the response could be more focused and directly linked to the task question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital literacy
  • formative years
  • cognitive decline
  • adaptability
  • generational divide
  • intuitive user interfaces
  • intergenerational support
  • assistive technologies
  • user-friendly
  • inclusive design
  • senior-centric
  • tailored education programs
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