IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The bar shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in on European country on different days

#bar #percentage #people #cinemas #european #country
The chart illustrates the proportion of
people
 visiting a
cinema
 during seven days of the week in a European nation from 2003 to 2007.
It is clear that
 there were only small fluctuations in
people
’s preference of which day to go to the
cinema
 over the examined period.
People
 in
this
 country
tended
Wrong verb form
tend
show examples
 to go to the
cinema
 on the weekend rather than
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 Monday to Friday. In 2003, 40% of
people
 went to cinemas on a Saturday, compared to 30% on Friday or Sunday
each
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. On the other days, the proportion of movie-goers was higher on Tuesday, at 20%,
while
 the lowest figure can be seen on Monday, at only 10%. Over the next four years, the percentage of
people
 going to the
cinema
 on weekends increased slightly to 45%
35
Correct word choice
and 35
show examples
%
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Saturday and Sunday respectively.
Similarly
, Thursday and Monday became more popular among
cinema
-goers, with about 2% more
people
 choosing these days.
However
, fewer
people
 went to see movies on Tuesday and Wednesday, with the figures falling to 19% and 9% respectively.
Finally
, the proportion of movie-goers choosing to go to the
cinema
 on a Friday remained at 30% during the three examined years.
Submitted by dev.phatdt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure consistency in tense usage throughout the essay.
lexicon
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas.
cohesion
Make sure to use appropriate linking words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!