Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

it is important to note that, progressing involves different aspects for
one
country
. Many may say, and I agree,
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that each
one
of these aspects
count
Change the verb form
counts
show examples
equally.
For
instance
, progressing in
economy
, culture,
education
, happiness and so much more.
However
, many governments believe that
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
is the most important
aspect
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
all. The reason that many governments think that way is probably because of the large effects that
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
can
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
on
one
country
.
That is
, not only can
weak
Correct article usage
a weak
show examples
economy
put
one
country
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
a high risk of increasing inflation, but
also
the ability
of buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
will decrease.
Besides
, should the importance of economic
progress
apes under question, governments have to deal with other
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
This
will put
one
country
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a risk of war if it does not accept what other countries desire.
However
, just paying attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
one
aspect
of
progressing
Correct article usage
the progressing
show examples
named
Verb problem
apply
show examples
economy
cannot be enough.
For
instance
,
education
is a challenging
aspect
of
progress
that needs to be taken care of. Needless to say, only when we have a development
education
, will there be many experts in different subjects including
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
.
Therefore
, the improvement of
education
can be a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
economic
progress
.
For
instance
, the lack of children's training because of
weak
Add an article
a weak
the weak
show examples
education
system can be the cause of murder being increased which
also
affects the
economy
.
Additionally
, I believe that developing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any
aspect
of
progress
can be a cause of economic improvement
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the end.
Thus
, just focusing on
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
can make
one
country
regress, for they have nothing except
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
.
For
instance
, China has
one
of the most successful
economy
Change to a plural noun
economies
show examples
in the world, but the amount of its
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
happiness is so low.
On the other hand
, the only thing that
its
Change the word
the
show examples
government pay attention to is
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
, so long working hours do not
let
Verb problem
make
show examples
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be happy.
As a result
,
although
it is good to have a developed
economy
, we should consider other
progress
too.
This
is probably how we can have a wonderful society.
Submitted by hanarad41 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay discusses both views and provides a personal opinion. However, the opinion lacks depth and clarity. Make sure to clearly state and support your opinion to meet the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure and introduction/conclusion are clear, but the essay lacks consistent support for the main points. Develop each main point with appropriate examples and explanations to improve cohesion and coherence.
lexical resource
Lexical Resource: The essay demonstrates adequate use of vocabulary and some collocations. However, there is a need for a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and effectively. Try to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic.
grammatical range
Grammatical Range: The essay shows a mix of simple and complex structures. However, there are issues with sentence structure and punctuation. Work on using complex structures and ensuring accurate punctuation to enhance grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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