IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think the government should provide free housing while others believe it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion

#people #government #government’s #responsibility
Increasing population around the urban centres
due to
 rural-urban migration, housing demand in the cities and towns has increased.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
house
 rent increases making people wonder, if their
government
 can bear the expenses or if they can provide them with free housing. I think it is not so fair or a good idea to opt for a free and
this
 mindset has to be changed. In recent years towns and cities have become crowded with increasing population, rising housing demand in turn rising
house
 rent.
Such
 situations with imbalanced earnings and expenditure have forced some people to rethink
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 the
government
 can provide them with rent-free houses which I
in particular
 think is not a wise thought. It is quite obvious that when we are given an item for free we tend to lose the value of the thing;
similarly
, if the
government
 sanctions free housing we will not be able to make the best use of it.
For instance
, if we are provided with what we have asked of the
government
then
 we fail to put hard work
in
Change preposition
into
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 earning extra income rather
Correct word choice
than loosing
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loosing
Replace the word
losing
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 a huge
government
 budget.
Instead
 of spending money
for
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free housing, it’s better to spend
bigger
Correct word choice
more
show examples
 money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the development of better and more skills training institutions which in turn will help those low earning
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society to participate in part-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 with the skills they have gained.
This
 initiative will activate human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 and improve the skills of an individual to become
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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independent, where they need not have to suffer staying in a good rented
house
. They become
self sufficient
Add a hyphen
self-sufficient
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 and need not have to think
on
Change preposition
about
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 free housing. In a nutshell, I want to say that providing
rent-free
Correct article usage
a rent-free
show examples
house
 will help them in managing their daily expenses but not the satisfaction owned by their own hard work.
Therefore
 the
government
 must explore the possible ways to keep their citizens more active and responsible.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

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task response
Ensure a more balanced discussion of both views in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is well-structured, but ensure that each paragraph connects and progresses the argument effectively.
lexical resource
Vary your vocabulary and use more sophisticated language to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
grammatical range
Work on using a wider range of sentence structures and grammar patterns to enhance your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • basic living standards
  • social equality
  • economic growth
  • disposable income
  • sustainable/sustainability
  • taxes
  • quality of housing
  • private sector
  • government intervention
  • innovation
  • efficiency
  • affordable housing
  • self-sufficiency
What to do next:
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