IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives.what are the reasons of this trend? How can this problem be overcome?

#people #balance #work #parts #lives #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, it seems to be impossible to achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balance
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and real
life
Use synonyms
 with many
people
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will scrutinize the reasons underlying
this
Linking Words
 tendency and state the point to tackle
this
Linking Words
 matter. In contemporary
life
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 live in an uncertain society and they have to confront spiteful competition with peers or colleagues in order to maintain their position in organizations. Each individual needs to pay 100% attention to their
work
Use synonyms
 and try to become more versatile.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they spend almost all their time in the workplace and attend some extra courses to enhance their professional ability.
As a result
Linking Words
, they do not have enough time to do some other activities that entertain them.
For example
Linking Words
, in many large enterprises
such
Linking Words
 as Alibaba in China, company owners encourage their staff to
work
Use synonyms
 over 10 hours per day and deploy numerous strict penalties if workers do not complete their tasks punctually. Of course, effective workers can be given lucrative compensation and it makes
people
Use synonyms
 gradually become workaholics. From my perspective,
people
Use synonyms
 can overcome their imbalance in several ways.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 need to realize the most important targets or goals of themselves. To be more specific,
people
Use synonyms
 just choose one thing between their abundant finances and their ideal physical indicator. By doing
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can choose the appropriate jobs that make them satisfied with personal demands.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should accept the fact that they may not be able to reach an absolute balance in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
life
Use synonyms
.
Accordingly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reality by honing some necessary skills like time management or job allocation to alleviate the burden of pressure and retain the energy for other jobs. In conclusion, we can deny the fact that modern
people
Use synonyms
 are too busy to balance their
work
Use synonyms
 and private
life
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that they can tackle their problems
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 positive attitudes and reasonable
arrangement
Fix the agreement mistake
arrangements
show examples
.
Submitted by leanhduc24121987 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and contributes to the overall argument. Use more linking words to improve coherence.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: