The best way to help underachieving pupils is to have compulsory after school activities which they must attend. This way they will become more involved in school and their grades will improve. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Some people believe that to help some weak
students
may
enhance their levelsVerb problem
apply
better
, there is a feasible Rephrase
apply
way
that
Correct word choice
for
students
must join different after
Add a hyphen
after-school
school
activities
. From my perspective, I totally disagree with this
statement.
There are several reasons which support my view. One disadvantage of this
problem is that when weak students
attend many activities
which are not related to main
major programs compulsorily, they may struggle to gain degrees. To be more precise, some Correct article usage
the main
students
must spend time on other activities
, which makes distraction lead to them have
difficulty finishing their subjects. Wrong verb form
having
As a result
, due to
allocating time unsuitably, some students
may struggle to improve their grades.
Another drawback of this
way
is incurring unnecessary fees. In particular
, because some after
Add a hyphen
after-school
school
activities
need operating costs such
as fees to maintain places to organize meetings, some learners at schools have difficulty focusing on their subjects. In addition
, in today's world, many costs related to basic needs are increasing significantly, which creates a financial expressure for those who are students
living far from home such
as living and food cost
. Fix the agreement mistake
costs
For instance
, when students
have to face financial problems, them
can struggle with stressful potential factors which lead to their study will be more terrible. Correct pronoun usage
they
Therefore
, learners at school
have to attend compulsory after
Add a hyphen
after-school
school
activities
which make
an Verb problem
has
unfavorable
effect Change the spelling
unfavourable
for
education systems.
In conclusion, Some people believe that to help some weak Change preposition
on
students
may
enhance their levelsVerb problem
apply
better
, there is a feasible Rephrase
apply
way
that
Correct word choice
for
students
must join different after
Add a hyphen
after-school
school
activities
. In my opinion, I totally disagree that this
is the best way
to improve their grades.Submitted by yeshomeclass on
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task response
Your essay expresses a clear opinion, but the lack of specific examples and detailed explanations affects the overall clarity and depth of your response. Try to provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your ideas and strengthen your argument.
coherence
Your logical structure is generally clear, but the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that you have a well-defined introduction that introduces the topic and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in using more precise and sophisticated vocabulary choices. Try to expand your vocabulary and use more varied and nuanced language to enhance the depth of your writing.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is acceptable, but there are some issues with sentence structure and word choice. Work on using a variety of sentence structures and pay attention to word choice to convey your ideas more effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example