IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Communication technology has become so prevalent nowadays. What are the causes of this popularity? Is it a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the past few years, the world has witnessed the radical impact of
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 and the way
people
Use synonyms
 interact with one
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 rapid alteration can be explained by numerous factors which feed it in the first place and cause both positive and negative effects which will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. Many parts
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our modern society are the driving forces behind the exponential growth of
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
. To be particular, in
such
Linking Words
 a busy world like nowadays when demand for a fast way to have interactions with each other is at an
all
Add a hyphen
all-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 high, social media
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook and Twitter are the complete answer to
such
Linking Words
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
. Another reason that explains the impact of
technology
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
communication
Use synonyms
 is its convenience. Without a doubt,
such
Linking Words
 inventions have made
people
Use synonyms
’s lives easier, as there is little to no reason why they should interact with
people
Use synonyms
 in person when they could just sit in their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 and have a
real
Add a hyphen
real-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 video call
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 gives us both benefits and consequences. On the one hand, having conversations in an instant helps
people
Use synonyms
 to communicate with anyone they love at any
time
Use synonyms
, as long as an internet connection is available. Social media
also
Linking Words
 allows individuals to make new friends online and interact with them as if they have met in real life.
However
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can be easily addicted to it and quickly lose their focus if they spend too much
time
Use synonyms
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
online.
Communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 capable of distancing
people
Use synonyms
 from one
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
, leaving them with negative thoughts and feelings,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 loneliness or depression. All in all the growth of
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 all comes down from the demand from the society of wanting to have more convenient interactions. It is
also
Linking Words
 important to note that
although
Linking Words
 the positive impact that
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 makes is undeniable,
people
Use synonyms
 should have more responsibility in using it or they will face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the appalling effects that
such
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 can give

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth and coherence in presenting ideas. There is a need for clearer and more comprehensive development of ideas and examples related to the causes of popularity of communication technology and its positive/negative development.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat coherent, but there is a lack of clear introduction and conclusion. The essay needs better organization to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and word choice. It would benefit from utilizing a wider variety of vocabulary and expressions to enhance lexical resource.
grammatical range
There are various grammatical errors throughout the essay, including verb tense inconsistencies, subject-verb agreement, and awkward sentence structures. A more sophisticated and accurate use of grammar is needed to improve the grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: