IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

An independent agency is conducting a survey on immigrant services. It has sent out an opinion survey to discover whether immigrants need more support during their transition to Canada. Please identify and explain your preference for: Option A: increasing the amount of support provided to immigrants Option B: maintaining the current level of support provided to immigrants

#agency #survey #immigrant #services #immigrants #support #transition #canada #option #amount #b #level
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It was recently brought to my attention that, an independent agency is conducting a survey on
immigrant
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services
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.
While
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 others argue that to maintain the existing level of
support
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 for
immigrants
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. I personally believe that the
support
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 provided to
immigrants
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 has to be enhanced. I will justify
this
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 in the below paragraphs. One essential factor to increase
immigrant
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support
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 was, in the current scenario
visa
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 issuing
time
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 period was 6 months.
This
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time
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 frame must be reduced for rapid
immigrant
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services
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.
For example
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 , one of my cousins applied for a study
visa
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 to Canada , and it took 6 months to complete the immigration process. By the
time
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 he landed in Canada university classes had been started, but
due to
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 the longer
visa
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 processing
time
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 frame , he missed his initial classes.
Furthermore
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 , an additional compelling reason to accelerate the
support
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 to
immigrant
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services
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 was , with existing practice , when the study permit expires, the respective student or worker manually applies for an extension and it takes one month of
time
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, here in
this
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 case , I believe the auto-renewal of permits
services
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 should be provided with minimal work from the employee. It saves
time
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 for the
immigrants
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.
To conclude
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, based on the information provided in the above paragraphs, I firmly believe that, to elaborate the
support
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 provided to
immigrants
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 for quick
visa
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 process and auto-renewal of permits with less burden on
immigrants
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.
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay. Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more comprehensive and clear ideas to fully address the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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