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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Which opinion do you agree with? Give examples.

#people #pets #children
It is often claimed that animal is becoming an essential part of our daily life. Some people believe that
pets
 are harmful and cause illness among
kids
while
; others feel
this
 trend brings positive effect on children’s behavior. Personally, I completely agree with keeping
pets
 because it would make
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of responsibility for
kids
. On the one hand, having a pet comes
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with many benefits for children.
For instance
, taking care of their furry friends
such
 as walking, training, feeding and playing with them, not only
get
Verb problem
gives
show examples
 them more responsibility but,
also
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to improve their connection skills.
Furthermore
, researchers proved that
kids
 who
exposed
Add a missing verb
are exposed
show examples
 to
pets
 at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 have powerful immune
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 compared to those who do not.
On the other hand
, parents have considerable for not having
pets
 at home. One of their concern is aggressive behavior of any animal may cause harm to the small babies.
For example
, if children, play with them and unconsciously bite them,
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 they have to face a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 trouble. Evidently, many
pets
 may spread allergies and diseases because their skin is prone to bacteria, viruses and pathogens which is risky for minors' vulnerable physical health.
To sum up
, whilst there are some negative consequences for household animals, I believe
this
 is better than harm for
kids
 because they can learn many things by taking care of them and have better health from an early age.
Submitted by n97.mortazian on

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay discusses both sides of the argument, but the conclusion is unclear. It is important to clearly state your opinion and provide a strong conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is mostly clear, but there are some sentence structure issues that affect coherence. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion need to be more developed.
Lexical Resource
Lexical Resource: The vocabulary and word choice are fairly appropriate, but there are some instances of wordiness and awkward phrasing. Work on using concise and precise language.
Grammatical Range
Grammatical Range: The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in sentence structure and tense consistency. Proofreading for these issues is recommended.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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