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Writing Samples
Band 3

What is enlightenment, and What does it feel like ? How can you tell who is enlightened ?

#enlightenment
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If you want to understand the word “
enlightenment
Use synonyms
” in Buddhism, you have to understand The four noble truths which
is
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are
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 the heart of the Buddha’s teaching. The Buddha has enlightened with The four noble truths
that is
Linking Words
, Dukkha (Suffering), Samudaya ( The cause of suffering), Nirodha (The cessation of Suffering), and Magga ( the path leading to the cessation of suffering). The cause of suffering is Tanha (Craving or Desire) which has three factors: Kama-Tanha (Craving for
sense
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a sense
the sense
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 of satisfaction, Bhava-Tanha ( Craving for existence), and Vibhava-Tanha (Craving for non-existence.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the cessation of these Tanha is
enlightenment
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, in
the
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apply
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other
word
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words
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,
its call
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called
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, Nirodha or Nibbana, which is the highest goal in Buddhism. Whoever can get rid of these Tanha is an enlightened one. The Buddha said in Pali “Paccattaṃ veṭitappho viññūhi”
that
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which
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mean
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means
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enlightenment
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 or Nibbana is to be realized by the wise within themselves. If you want to know what
enlightenment
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 feels like, you should follow Magga (The noble eightfold path) namely,
right
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 understanding,
right
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 thought,
right
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 speech,
right
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 action,
right
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 livelihood,
right
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 effort,
right
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 mindfulness, and
right
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 concentration. By practicing these paths, and training and purifying your mind diligently, you may one day realize
enlightenment
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 within yourself.
Submitted by mahawichet on

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Task Response
The essay provides a basic understanding of enlightenment in Buddhism, but it lacks depth and critical analysis. The response to the task is somewhat limited and does not fully address all aspects of the question. The ideas are not fully developed, and there is a need for more in-depth exploration and analysis of the concept of enlightenment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, but the logical structure could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effective in framing the discussion. The main points are supported, but the essay lacks a clear organizational structure to guide the reader through the discussion.
Lexical Resource
The essay displays a sufficient range of vocabulary related to the topic of enlightenment in Buddhism. However, there is a need for more precise and nuanced use of language to express complex ideas and concepts. Additionally, the essay could benefit from the use of more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the overall lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
The grammatical range is adequate, but there are some instances of imprecise language use and awkward phrasing. The essay would benefit from more complex sentence structures and a greater variety of grammatical forms to convey ideas more effectively. Additionally, there is a need for more accurate and precise use of grammar to enhance overall grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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