Some say that music is as important as other subjects at schools to promote learning in children life. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

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There are different opinions regarding the
significant
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significance
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of
music
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subject in helping youngers' studies. With some people claiming that
music
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weights
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weighs
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the same as the other fields of
studies
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study
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, some
believed
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believe
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that
music
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could not
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cannot
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enhance
childrens'
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children's
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learning as the other subjects do in their life. I personally stand for the former, having a view that
music
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is
also
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importance
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important
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for
children
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in terms of enhancing their learning. I
would
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will
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talk about the reasons behind that in the following paragraphs. First of all,
music
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acts as a tool for
children
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to be provoked to learn.
According to
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different
scholars
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scholarly
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articles,
music
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could stimulate the brain by giving signals, which allows
children
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to be interested and focus on the task. By hearing with their ears, it is served as one part of the multi-sensory learning system.
This
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would let
children
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to
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apply
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absorb
knowledge
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by different methods, not just by looking at wordings only. In
music
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lesson
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lessons
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,
children
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would not just sit in their
chair
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chairs
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and listen to the teacher for one hour straight. In fact, they have a lot of hands-on activities to participate
.
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in.
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For instance
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, they would sing, or learn how to play certain instruments.
This
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could not only let them grow interest in learning
,
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apply
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but
also
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helping
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help
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them to find what they are interested in. They could possibly find a new hobby at
music
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lesson
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lessons
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.
Also
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,
music
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could broaden their horizon, as it is a common language to the whole world. Students could listen to the
music
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piece
at
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in
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the 18th century, or nowadays pop
music
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, or a musical piece from France and understand cultures from different time
period
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periods
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and places.
This
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could arouse their interest in getting into various cultures and
learn
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learning
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with an
opened-mind
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open mind
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.
Also
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,
by
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apply
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teaching
music
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would not solely
talks
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talk
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about
music
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theories, but
also
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knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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in multiple
fileds
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fields
files
. When teaching about beats and rhymes,
mathametics
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mathematics
would be introduced.
This
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could help
children
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refresh their skills and
knowledge
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about counting or calculating. Apart from that, courses that
seems
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seem
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to be boring
according to
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children
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could
also
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be mentioned in
music
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class.
For example
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, if a teacher wants to talk about a
history
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historical
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fact, like the life
about
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of
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Mr.
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Mr
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Hamilton, a history
lesson
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would be
bored
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boring
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for students.
However
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, if
Correct article usage
the teahcer
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teahcer
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teacher
teachers
used a musical movie to introduce
this
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to them during
music
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lesson
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lessons
show examples
, it would let them have a clearer view of the piece.
Therefore
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, in
music
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lesson
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lessons
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, not only
music
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related
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music-related
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knowledge
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could
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apply
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be teach
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be taught
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,
cross-subject
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but cross-subject
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bounding
could
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can
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be seen too.
This
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can not only
enhnaced
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enhanced
enhance
students
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students'
student's
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knowledge
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on
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of
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music
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, but
also
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reinforce their memory or interest in other subjects.
Therefore
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music
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could provoke
children
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to learn things other than just in one method, but in different ways. They can
also
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understand that there are multiple ways to refresh their memories or to apply
knowledge
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and skills. All in all, I believe that
music
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is a crucial subject that could promote
children
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's learning in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, which is as useful and effective as other subjects.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and does not effectively establish the writer's stance on the topic. The conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points and does not provide a strong closing statement.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant points that address the topic, but lacks depth and development. The examples provided are not well-elaborated and do not effectively support the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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