Some say that music is as important as other subjects at schools to promote learning in children life. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

#say #music #subjects #schools #children #life

There are different opinions regarding the

significant

Replace the word

significance

show examples

music

subject in helping youngers' studies. With some people claiming that

music

weights

Correct your spelling

weighs

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the same as the other fields of

studies

Fix the agreement mistake

study

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, some

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

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that

music

could not

Wrong verb form

cannot

show examples

enhance

childrens'

Change noun form

children's

show examples

learning as the other subjects do in their life. I personally stand for the former, having a view that

music

also

importance

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important

show examples

for

children

in terms of enhancing their learning. I

would

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will

show examples

talk about the reasons behind that in the following paragraphs. First of all,

music

acts as a tool for

children

to be provoked to learn.

According to

different

scholars

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scholarly

show examples

articles,

music

could stimulate the brain by giving signals, which allows

children

to be interested and focus on the task. By hearing with their ears, it is served as one part of the multi-sensory learning system.

This

would let

children

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

absorb

knowledge

by different methods, not just by looking at wordings only. In

music

lesson

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lessons

show examples

children

would not just sit in their

chair

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chairs

show examples

and listen to the teacher for one hour straight. In fact, they have a lot of hands-on activities to participate

Change preposition

in.

show examples

For instance

, they would sing, or learn how to play certain instruments.

This

could not only let them grow interest in learning

Remove the comma

apply

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but

also

helping

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help

show examples

them to find what they are interested in. They could possibly find a new hobby at

music

lesson

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lessons

show examples

Also

music

could broaden their horizon, as it is a common language to the whole world. Students could listen to the

music

piece

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show examples

the 18th century, or nowadays pop

music

, or a musical piece from France and understand cultures from different time

period

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periods

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and places.

This

could arouse their interest in getting into various cultures and

learn

Wrong verb form

learning

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with an

opened-mind

Correct your spelling

open mind

show examples

Also

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apply

show examples

teaching

music

would not solely

talks

Correct subject-verb agreement

talk

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about

music

theories, but

also

knowledges

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knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

show examples

in multiple

fileds

Correct your spelling

fields

files

. When teaching about beats and rhymes,

mathametics

Correct your spelling

mathematics

would be introduced.

This

could help

children

refresh their skills and

knowledge

about counting or calculating. Apart from that, courses that

seems

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seem

show examples

to be boring

according to

children

could

also

be mentioned in

music

class.

For example

, if a teacher wants to talk about a

history

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historical

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fact, like the life

about

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show examples

Mr.

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Hamilton, a history

lesson

would be

bored

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boring

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for students.

However

, if

Correct article usage

the teahcer

show examples

teahcer

Correct your spelling

teacher

teachers

used a musical movie to introduce

this

to them during

music

lesson

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lessons

show examples

, it would let them have a clearer view of the piece.

Therefore

, in

music

lesson

Fix the agreement mistake

lessons

show examples

, not only

music

Correct your spelling

music-related

show examples

knowledge

could

Verb problem

apply

show examples

be teach

Change the verb form

be taught

show examples

cross-subject

Correct word choice

but cross-subject

show examples

bounding

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

be seen too.

This

can not only

enhnaced

Correct your spelling

enhanced

enhance

students

Change noun form

students'

student's

show examples

knowledge

Change preposition

show examples

music

, but

also

reinforce their memory or interest in other subjects.

Therefore

music

could provoke

children

to learn things other than just in one method, but in different ways. They can

also

understand that there are multiple ways to refresh their memories or to apply

knowledge

and skills. All in all, I believe that

music

is a crucial subject that could promote

children

's learning in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, which is as useful and effective as other subjects.

Submitted by asllchkied on Fri Nov 10 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and does not effectively establish the writer's stance on the topic. The conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points and does not provide a strong closing statement.

task achievement

The essay contains relevant points that address the topic, but lacks depth and development. The examples provided are not well-elaborated and do not effectively support the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
43Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

500 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some say that music is as important as other subjects at schools to promote learning in children life. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

One of the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? #consequence #care #people #life #expectancy

Should highschool students be required to study many different subjects at the same time, or study a select few? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The cultures of many countries around the world become more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative?

Detailed describtion of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be banned in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?‏