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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph gives information about the consumption of fast food (in grams per week), in the UK from 1970 to 1990.

The graph gives information about the consumption of fast food (in grams per week), in the UK from 1970 to 1990.
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The line chart shows how many
grams
Use synonyms
 of fast food consumption were eaten each week by British people in the space of two decades(1970—1990).
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 at the beginning of the period,
pizza
Use synonyms
 was dominant in
grams
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, both
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 and fish or
chips
Use synonyms
 were consumed more than the production of
pizza
Use synonyms
 after 15 years. Starting with people eating a
pizza
Use synonyms
, 300
grams
Use synonyms
 of them, considerably more than those with
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 200
grams
Use synonyms
.After a decade, there was a marginal fall in the amount of
grams
Use synonyms
. Following that,
this
Linking Words
 figure for
pizza
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged across the period.
However
Linking Words
 both figures, namely
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 and fish&
chips
Use synonyms
 showed a reverse in terms of how much those were eaten.As for
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 represented the lowest point at about 50
grams
Use synonyms
,afterwards there
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
witnessed a slight rise to 100
grams
Use synonyms
 by 1985. In 1990, the amount of consumed
hamburgers
Use synonyms
grams
Use synonyms
 reached 300. Regarding fish and
chips
Use synonyms
grams
Use synonyms
 increased to just under 100,
thereafter
Linking Words
, saw growth to 300, and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period, the amount of consumed
chips
Use synonyms
 and fish
grams
Use synonyms
 finished at around 500.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words grams, pizza, hamburgers, chips with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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