IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The best way to sole the environmental problem is to increase the price of fuel .To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#price #fuel
Nowadays, globally is a big issues environmental problem.
However
,
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 issues pop- up day by day.
Thus
, I argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the affecting main
this
 situation
people
 are using lots of
vehicles
.
Nevertheless
, I totally agree with the above statement.
Due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, one thing is within
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 period
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
 can
sole
Correct your spelling
solve
show examples
this
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
.
On the other
hand
, when
fuel
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 society will move
alternative
Change preposition
to alternative
show examples
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
energy
. In
this
 my opinion, I am going to explain with relevant examples
further
 paragraphs.
To begin
,
fuel
price
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
 will mainly affect the atmosphere. Usually when
Add the particle
to grow
show examples
grow
Change the verb form
growing
show examples
 up
fuel
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 many of them avoid
use
Change the form of the verb
using
show examples
 their
vehicles
as a result
; will reduce the toxic gas
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
.
Then
 would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lead greenhouse environment in the world.
For Instance
,
this days
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
 in India some places full covered
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 toxic gas. Because of that,
people
 are unable to live
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 area. Somehow, now
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 tries to
bringing
Change the verb
bring
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solutions for sole the problem. Among them,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the
use
 of private
vehicles
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been the main task. The strategy used for
this
 is to increase the
price
 of
fuel
.
Therefore
, as I
mentions
Wrong verb form
mentioned
show examples
,
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
fuel
 within
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 time of the period will
sole
Correct your spelling
solve
show examples
 the issue.
On the other
hand
,
due to
 rising
energy
 pierces, folk are unable to
use
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fuel
 for the reason is that they
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
enough
Add a missing verb
have enough
show examples
 money
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
buying
Replace the word
buy
show examples
source
 of
energy
.
As well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 most of them try to
use
 public transport service.
As a result
,
fuel
 usage
significantly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
will
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
.
Thus
, society will naturally to new
source
 of
energy
.
For instance
,
western
Change preposition
in western
show examples
 countries many
people
 are using
electrical
Replace the word
electric
show examples
vehicles
,
as well as
, industries
also
use
 solar power for machines.
Nevertheless
, turning to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
source
 of
energy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will be the best solution sole
environmental
Correct article usage
the environmental
show examples
 problem.
To conclude
, In my point of view, increasing the rate of
fuel
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a good way to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sort out environmental problems. On the one
hand
, society
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 own
vehicles
as a result
, in the future greenhouse environment
is
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 created.
On the other
hand
,
people
 are using alternative
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
energy
 air pollution is decreasing globally.
Submitted by himalhi.deepthi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction could be more focused and clear. Provide a clear position on the statement to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and consistent logical structure. Organize the ideas into clear and coherent paragraphs with appropriate topic sentences and supporting details.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices to improve the lexical resource. Avoid repetition and aim for a more sophisticated use of language.
grammatical range
Work on improving the grammatical range by using varied sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of tenses.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: