IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that young people should spend more and more of their free time with their families, and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #families
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In the modern era, there is a prevailing debate about how young people should allocate their free time—whether more emphasis should be placed on family interactions or outdoor recreation.
This
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 essay aims to scrutinize both perspectives, culminating in my balanced standpoint. On the one hand, proponents argue that dedicating more time to family bonding, at the expense of outdoor activities, positively impacts the emotional well-being of the youth.
This
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 assertion stems from the belief that meaningful interactions with parents, siblings, and relatives foster not only love and affection but
also
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 a profound sense of security.
Such
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 emotional foundations are deemed indispensable for optimal psychological health.
Conversely
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, others contend that allocating more time to outdoor entertainment and less to family affairs is integral to personal development. Engaging in activities like sports necessitates overcoming challenges and confronting uncertainties, experiences often scarce within the familial environment. These endeavours teach young individuals valuable skills—coping with difficulties, enhancing resilience, and managing risks independently—attributes that become increasingly crucial as they mature. In my perspective, a judicious balance should be struck.
While
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 acknowledging the undeniable significance of family interactions, young individuals should
also
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 be encouraged to explore external avenues of entertainment. Achieving equilibrium between the family and external engagements facilitates holistic development, encompassing interpersonal skills nurtured within the family and adaptability gained through exposure to the broader world. In conclusion, the discourse on time allocation between family and outdoor entertainment persists as a complex issue.
However
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, I am aligned with the notion that the crux of
this
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 matter lies in achieving a harmonious balance.
Submitted by xiaoruoling7 on

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task response
The essay effectively responds to the prompt by discussing both views and giving a balanced opinion. Well done.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure and effectively presents the ideas. Consider using more transition words to enhance coherence further.
lexical resource
The essay exhibits a wide range of vocabulary with some sophisticated word choices. Utilize more synonyms and idiomatic expressions to elevate the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is strong overall. However, be cautious with complex sentence structures to maintain accuracy and fluency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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