IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people believe that a person’s intelligence is inherited from the parents, while others believe that their environment is the main factor. Discuss these views. Which factor do you think is mostly responsible for intelligence?

#people #person’s #intelligence #parents #environment #factor
Intellingence
Correct your spelling
Intelligence
 levels
changes
Change the verb form
change
show examples
 from one to another,
there
Correct word choice
and there
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 several reasons for that
besieds
Correct your spelling
besides
, there
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 different kind of smart thinking, and some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 think it's inherited and other
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 it's from
circumstance
Add an article
the circumstance
show examples
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will write about both views.
However
,
intellingence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 has many kinds
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 instance, math smart,logic, emotional , solve
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. families for sure be a main part of improving
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 IQ by preparing the environment
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, send their kids to private
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 to improve their
leve
Correct your spelling
level
lives
 in math or
logic
Replace the word
logical
show examples
 thinking, but for
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
 it is
also
Correct article usage
a genatic
show examples
genatic
Correct your spelling
genetic
 trait.
Moreover
,if their parents don't do anything to get the talents and
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
 out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their children that will not help them to
using
Change the verb form
use
show examples
 their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 in a good way or help
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
, so it is
complementary
Add an article
a complementary
show examples
 relationship between environment and family genes. In conclusion, there is no one level or kind of
inelligent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
intelligence
 every person have
unique
Correct article usage
a unique
show examples
 IQ
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
 use it and
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
 and discover their weak area to work on
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with
family
Change noun form
family's
show examples
 help.
Submitted by rawan.13mm on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are presented in a somewhat haphazard manner, making it challenging to follow the train of thought.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt but lacks depth and clarity. It should have focused on presenting a balanced discussion of the two views and provided specific examples to support the points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: