IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #individuals #society
Although
 the purpose of
university
education
 is believed to help
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
graduated students get an ideal position in the company by several citizens, others are convinced that
both
 individuals and
society
 can receive numerous beneficial impacts from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tertiary
education
. From my personal perspective, the main goal of
education
 in the
university
 should be
job related
Add a hyphen
job-related
show examples
. On the one hand, it can be easily noticed that many degree curriculums are designed for their students to prepare for the duty and role in specific work fields. In fact, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a great deal of professional
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
provide
Correct pronoun usage
that provide
show examples
 their
graduates
 with certification in order to provide greater
competitive
Replace the word
competition
show examples
 in getting a job.
For instance
, healthcare-related degrees,
such
 as nursing, occupational therapy, or physiotherapy, always provide internships
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
clinical placements and licenses to their
graduates
 after they
completed
Wrong verb form
complete
show examples
 all the requirements.
Therefore
, they are relatively more familiar with the workplace and procedures than others and pursue a higher position in their career.
On the other hand
, a number of people point out that the personal growth and attitudes that
graduates
gained
Replace the word
gain
show examples
 from the
university
 are more precious to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 and their own.
Furthermore
, maturity and actively engaging in social decisions are
both
 elements that are expected
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
university
graduates
. As a matter of fact, their ability in critical thinking and their civil responsibility are important to help develop a
society
.
For instance
, they can take part in elections and help set up social policies. If there were not enough tertiary
education
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the general public, the level and stability of
society
 may decline significantly.
To conclude
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
education
 is important for
both
 personal and social development. After carefully reviewing
both
 views, I believe the mission of
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 should be helping their
graduates
 to secure their future development.
Submitted by sonyso on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion to enhance the overall structure.
task achievement
Focus on providing relevant examples and develop ideas to improve task response.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: